Welcome, Lovelies!

@mclovinn I hope you like this, Lilu. I did my best.
@laurcams94 I mentioned Chrissy - hope you don't mind, doll. And @vampire-weakend I hope I'm not annoying you with my constant tagging.
 
---
 
5/3/13
 
Aidan;
 
The closer I got to the beach house, the more tempted I was to turn back.
But...
I want you there.
I want you there.
I want you there.
Those words kept replaying in my head.
Was Ash for real?
And why?
My curiosity kept me moving forward.
Even though I was already an hour late.
 
Parking the rental car, I slowly made my way up to the front door, weaving between the clusters of already drunk kids.
Inside, Nate was playing bartender.
Rob was lighting up.
I waved at Chris, who was talking to Summ.
Summ, turning, shot me an ugly look.
 
Nothing had changed since the last party.
 
Grabbing a beer, I made my way towards the backdoor.
A part of me wanted to find Ash but I thought it'd be pointless.
But, soon she was standing right in front of me.
Her hair wild.
Her shoulders bare.
Her dress long and flowing.
Like, she came out of nowhere.
And I almost dropped my drink.
 
"Hey," she smiled.
"Hey," I said.
Feeling like I had to talk above the music.
And my own heartbeat.
At that point, I didn't know which was louder.
"You came," Ash sounded a little surprised.
"You said you wanted me to."
"I know," she nodded. "I did. I mean, I do."
"Really?"
"Yeah."
"Why?"
"Why is that so hard for you to believe?" she laughed a bit.
"Seriously, Ash?"
She looked away.
And I didn't know if she was frustrated.
Or if she really didn't understand my confusion.
"I just -"
But she didn't get to finish her thought.
Some girl I didn't recognize was pulling her away.
 
"I'll be right back," she promised, her voice sympathetic. "Stay right here?"
And I did, for a few minutes at least.
But then I made my way outside.
Onto the back porch, where I took a seat on the bottom step.
Just to prove to myself that I could do something without Ash telling me to.
Opening my beer, I drank it down fast.
A part of me wished I'd had Nate make me something stronger.
Because I needed to be drunk.
Now.
 
"I didn't think you were coming," I heard Matt say, as he took a seat beside me.
He had two red cups and handed me one.
I gulped it down without even asking what it was.
Not that it would've matter much.
"You alright?" he laughed a bit.
"Yeah," I tossed out. "I'm just...over this party already."
"You just got here," Matt reasoned. "And there are way too many girls here for you to be in a bad mood."
I shook my head. "I'm not in a bad mood."
"Look, is this about Summer? Because, man, you really need to -"
"It's not about, Summer." I told him. I mean, God, for the first time in a long time, it wasn't about her. "Can't I just sit here and drink quietly?"
"You mean, can you sit here, alone, at a party and be lame?" Matt shrugged nonchalantly. "If you want to, I guess."
I laughed. "Thanks."
 
So, I drank.
And Matt talked about...something.
I wasn't listening.
Instead, I was wishing I could see Ash.
And wishing I could drive away.
And feeling thankful that Matt couldn't read my mind.
Staring out the beach, I was soon pulled from my thoughts.
By the sound of a hundred cell phone alerts.
The gossip chick.
God.
What did she want now?
"Don't look," I told Matt, standing up to go back inside and get another drink. Or two. "It's not worth it."
But I stopped short when I walked back inside and everyone was staring at me.
Whispering
Some people were even pointing.
That was enough to make me pull out my own phone to see what the fuss was about.
 
And I was right.
It 'was' that gossip chick.
And she had done the impossible.
She'd found that letter I wrote to Ash.
The one I had hidden away in my condo.
The one that no one was ever supposed to see.
And she posted it.
//Thank me later, Lover Boy//
She'd written before her famous xoxo.
Thank her?
F.uck.
I wanted to kill her.
But at that moment I would have settled for someone killing me instead.
 
The room became a blur .
Which was kind of a good thing.
I couldn't bear to lock eyes with anyone.
Turning around, I rushed out the door, brushing past Matt.
Off of porch and out onto the sand.
Honestly, I didn't know where I was going.
I mean, my car was in the opposite direction.
I just needed some distance.
 
"Riley!" Matt called after me.
And I knew he was pissed, even before I stopped in my tracks, reluctantly turning around to face him.
"Look, Matt...." I sighed, my voice trailing off.
I really didn't know what to say.
How to explain myself.
I'd already told him that I'd felt nothing for Ash.
But now he had proof that that was a lie.
"What the hell is this?" he demanded hold up his phone.
"It's nothing."
"Bullshi.t,," he yelled, his eyes narrowing out me. "You told me nothing was going on."
"Nothing 'is' going on."
"Then what that f.uck?"
"Nothing. Happened," I ground out.
And nothing was going to happen.
Ash had pretty much made that clear.
"Really? But you obviously want it to, right?"
"So, what Matt?" I challenged. "So what if I do? You don't f.ucking own her."
Matt had moved past pissed to livid.
I mean, I got it.
He didn't like the idea of me and Ash.
And he was pissed that I had lied.
But this was too damn extreme.
Rushing to close the distance between, he was dangerously close to my face.
 
"You need to stay away from Ashley," Matt warned.
"And you need to calm the f.uck down," I tossed out. "You're overreacting."
With that, Matt shoved me. "Stay away from her!"
"Or what? Huh?" I shoved him back. "She's not your girlfriend."
"She's not yours either."
This time, it was my turn to move in.
To get in his face.
To make him as angry as he was making me.
"Not yet," I smirked, my voice low. "But just wait."
True, it was bullshi.t.
But Matt didn't know that.
And I didn't care.
I wanted it to piss him off.
And it did.
 
It pissed him of so much that he punched me.
His fist met my eye with force, catching me off guard, making me stumble in the sand.
Matt shook his now bruised hand and tried to walk away.
But once I gained my footing again, I lunged at him.
And the next thing I knew we were rolling on the ground.
My fist landed against his nose.
He bumped my lip and I tasted blood.
I kneed him in the stomach.
And my elbow caught him in the jaw.
 
Then I heard girls scream in the background.
 
"Oh my God!"
"What are you doing?!"
"Matt! Aidan! Stop it!"
"Stop!"
 
Soon, hands were pulling us apart.
Rush grabbed me.
Chrissy helped hold me back.
Nate was pushing Matt towards the house.
And Summer...
She shot me an accusing glance, surprising me by following them inside.
 
Then there was Ash.
She was standing, wide-eyed, in the middle of it all.
 
Matt turned, yelling over his shoulder. "Touch her and I'll -"
"You'll what?" I yelled back, struggling against Rush's grip.
"I'll give you another black eye, you a.sshole!"
"F.uck you!"
"Hey," Chris said firmly, grabbing my chin and forcing me to look at her. "Stop it."
"No, you know what? I'm out of here," I said, snatching myself away.
"Fine," she easily agreed, grabbing my wrist. "After you get cleaned up."
 

Summer;
 
After the fight, it didn't take long for the party to start back up as if nothing had happened.
I followed Matt into the kitchen, watching as he practically collapsing against counter.
His nose a strange purplish-blue.
His eyes bruised.
His lips cracked.
It was the first time I ever felt sorry for him.
 
"Maybe you should sit," I tossed out, making my way to the freezer.
"Maybe you should leave me alone," he said.
But he took a seat on an empty kitchen stool anyway, shocking me by actually listening.
Grabbing a bag of frozen mixed vegetables, I placed them over Matt's nose without warning.
"What the hell, Summer?" he whined.
"Hold it," I told him, guiding his hand before taking his place against the counter. "It should help."
"Wait," he said, eyeing me strangely. "Why are being nice to me?"
I shrugged.
Again, I felt sorry for him.
Matt was hurting.
And not just on the outside.
 
"I'm not," I said teasingly. "It's just that I've been wanting to punch Aidan for months now. And since you actually did it..."
"Did you know about this?"
"Yeah," I admitted, looking away.
I mean, I didn't actually know what was going on with Aidan and Ash.
But I knew his feelings for her.
And yeah, I had Ty, and I wasn't supposed to care about any of this.
But when I let myself think about it, it definitely f.ucked with my head.
"And?"
"And," I sighed. "I think...I think he might be...in love with her."
"Bullshi.t," he exclaimed, angrily tossing the vegetables aside.
"He wrote her a love letter, Matt," I pointed out. "I mean, he never wrote 'me' a goddam.n love letter."
"That doesn't mean anything."
"Well," I sighed heavily. "I think it does."
"Love her?" Matt scoffed. "He doesn't even know her."
"They've practically known each other their entire lives."
"He doesn't know her," Matt loudly insisted. " 'I' know her. I know who she really is. He just wants to f.uck her."
"Jesus, Matt," I groaned.
That was definitely a visual I didn't need.
 
"He loves her," I insisted. Maybe he didn't know it, yet. Maybe he did and he was fighting it. But he did, I was almost sure. "And maybe she loves him too."
"She doesn't love him, alright?" he yelled. "She could 'never' love him. Riley? He's selfish -"
"No, he's not."
"And he's a cheater."
"We've all cheated."
"And he's f.ucking spoiled," Matt went on. "Everything he has was handed to him."
"Like what?"
"That movie career, for one," Matt practically barked at me. "Which has turned him into a real a.sshole, by the way."
"It doesn't mean she can't love him."
"Actually, that's 'exactly' what it means. She could never have real feelings for him"
"Trust me, Aidan's not hard to fall for" I laughed, but it was without humor.
Matt just sat.
Silent and frowning.
 
I sighed, pushing away from the counter and moving in closer, as he reached out for the still frozen bag of vegetables.
"I meant what I said," Matt's expression was set in stone. "If he touches her. If he even thinks about touching her -"
"You can kick his a.ss everyday and it won't change anything," I reasoned. "I mean, obviously she's worth it to him. And if he wants to be with her, he'll be with her."
"Stop saying that."
"And stop acting like this is all Aidan's fault," I said, sounding angrier than I meant to. "Ash knows what she's doing."
"What the hell is that supposed to mean?"
"Teasing him?" I rolled my eyes. "Stringing him along? Now you two are fighting over her? Ash is loving all of this, believe me."
"She's not like that."
"I'm sorry, but she's not the perfect angel everyone seems to think that she is."
We were both quiet for a while.
Exhausted, I took a seat beside him.
"Look, I hate the thought of losing Aidan for good," I confessed. "But I already have."
"Summer -"
"No matter what happened with us before, we'd always find our way back to each other," I went on, shakily. "And no matter what happened, you always thought that you'd have Ash to come back to. But they're not ours. They don't 'belong' to us. And you don't have to like it, because I f.ucking hate it. But that's the way it is."
"They're not going to end up together," Matt said at last and he sounded so sure. "I don't care what you say."
"I hope you're right," I mumbled.
But deep down, I already knew that he wasn't.
 

Aidan;
 
I couldn't look at Ash.
I couldn't look at anyone as I let Chrissy lead me back through the house, up the stairs to one of the bathrooms.
Quietly, I took a seat on the edge of the bathtub as Chris closed the door behind us.
She rinsed out a washcloth and placed it on my face.
And I had to admit that cold towel felt good on my stinging skin.
"Well," she sighed, inspecting me carefully. "Your face doesn't look 'that' bad..."
"Yeah," I scoffed. "That's because Matt punches like a little b.itch."
But, honestly, I could already feel my eye swelling.
And though I hadn't seen it, I was sure it was purple and gross.
Chris rolled her eyes. "Boys are so stupid," she mumbled. But still, she kept holding the towel gently against me.
"So," she began quietly. "The girl you told me about? It was Ashley all along."
"I know, I know," I shook my head, already feeling irritated. "We don't...match. It doesn't make any sense. I already know that."
"That's not what I was going to say," she insisted. "I'm just surprised."
 
"We're friends right, Chris?" I asked, as I took the towel from her hands and she sat down beside me.
"Obviously..."
"Then drown me," I tossed out.
"Oh, my God..."
"Just fill this tub and drown me. I promise, I won't struggle."
"Dramatic much, Riley?" she laughed.
"I'm serious."
"So, Ash saw the letter? So what?"
"Not just Ash," I argued. "The whole goddam.n world saw it."
"So. What?" Chris shrugged. "It's not like you wrote something sleazy. All you wrote were good things. And now that she knows how you feel, you can stop obsessing."
"But she doesn't feel the same way."
"You don't know that."
"I do know that."
"You don't," Chris' tone was serious. "But if she doesn't, she doesn't. And, again, at least you'll know."
"But -"
"I get that you're not familiar with rejection from girls," she laughed a bit. "But, I promise, it won't kill you."
 
"No," I mumbled.
It just felt like I might.
But Chrissy was right as usual.
I needed to stop obsessing.
"Snap out of this, Riley," I mumbled, running my fingers through my hair. "Snap the hell out of it."
My head was throbbing now.
And I felt drained.
I wanted to go home.
But the thought of going downstairs to face Summer and Matt and everyone else I knew made my headache more intense.
 
Someone was knocking on the door now, so softly that at first I thought I had imagined it.
But then Ash swung it open before me or Chris could say 'come in'.
"Hey," she said, her voice low.
"Hey," Chris said brightly.
"I, um, I brought ice," she gestured with the small bowl in her hands.
"Oh, good," Chris smiled, standing up now. "You two should probably...and I'll just...yeah..."
With that, she rushed out and closed the door with a soft click.
 
"I don't want your help," I told Ash, hoping that she'd just go back downstairs and leave me alone.
Seeing her was really confusing.
It was what I wanted most and what I wanted least all at the same time.
"Well," she sighed, grabbing the towel from my hands. "Your eye is swelling and you're bleeding, so you kind of need it." She put a few ice cubes in the towel and placed it against the side of my face. "Hold this," she told me.
And I did, while she'd found another towel, using it to wipe away the blood away from my lip.
She was close now, standing between my knees, intently working.
Her free hand gripped my neck, her fingers played in my hair.
Ash probably didn't even realize what she was doing, but of course, I did.
And I wanted her to stop.
"Just stop it, Ash," I said, pulling away.
"You stop it," she said, just as stubbornly.
"No, you stop it."
"God, you're such a baby," Ash exclaimed. "Just...let me do this. Okay?"
I hesitated but, "Fine," I sighed.
Maybe if I stopped struggling, she could clear her conscious and go away.
 
Ash's hand went back to neck.
Her thumb stroked my face, absentmindedly.
Reaching out, I gripped her waist.
I pretended it was just to steady myself, but I wanted to touch her too.
Her body was soft against my fingers.
For a second I thought of Matt and I almost laughed.
He'd literally kill me for this.
"I'm no doctor," she said quietly, pulling the towel from my eye. "But I think you'll live."
"Good news, I guess," I mumbled, still holding onto her.
She smiled down at me, for a little, before it faded again.
"Aidan?"
"Yeah?"
"About the letter..."
"No," I shook my head. "I don't want to talk about it."
"It was my letter," she reasoned. "You wrote it to me."
"You were never supposed to see that."
"But, I did. And I think I deserve the chance to talk about it."
"Well, I don't want to, Ash."
"Did you even mean it?"
"Of course, I - I mean, yeah, but it -" I stammered, reluctantly letting her go. "Look, it doesn't matter."
"It matters to me," Ash insisted. "And I just think that we should talk. I need to tell you..."
 
But I didn't want to hear it.
I didn't want to hear that she didn't feel the same.
Or that bullshi.t line that everyone uses to let someone down easy -
'It's not you, it's me.'
No.
Not after all I've been through.
I stood up, forcing her back towards the sink, my hands on either side of her, trapping her there.
"You can't keep doing this."
"Doing what?" she asked, her eyes filled with questions.
"Making a me look like a f.ucking idiot," I exclaimed.
"What are you -?"
"I think about you all the time," I interrupted. "All the time! I want to see you, and you go out of your way to avoid me. I kiss you, and you don't even care. I write that stupid letter. I get punched in the face by my best friend -"
"Aidan, just -"
"We've gone weeks without talking, Ashley. Weeks! But I still come running whenever you call me. I mean, I do all this shi.t for you and it's just not good enough, is it? You. Don't. Care. And you're never going to want me like I want you."
"I really wish that you would shut up and listen to me," Ash's voice was shaky.
"No, you know what 'I' wish now?" I said, angrily, cutting her off again. "I wish we could go back to the way things were. When you hated me and I hated you. Because 'this'? I can't do it anymore."
 
"Is that really what you want?" she demanded, her voice louder now.
"Yeah, it is."
"You know what?" Ash pushed me away with full force. "Fine! I hate you, Aidan. Are you happy now?"
No.
I wasn't.
I'd told her what to say,
but now I wish she hadn't said it.
"Yeah, I am," I lied. "Because you know what?"
"What?"
"I hate you, too."
"Great!"
"Yeah, it is great!"
"Well, then, we're done here." Ash looked as if she were on the verge of tears now, but her voice was cool. "You can leave now."
"Gladly, Hartman."
 
Slamming the door, I heard glass break.
I think Ash threw the bowl of ice against the wall.
She couldn't hear me but I mumbled a weak apology.
I was sorry.
I didn't hate her.
And whatever was between us,
I hated that it had to end this way.
Rushing downstairs, I managed to avoid Matt and Summ.
And Chrissy and Rush and Nate.
I made it to my car,
with only a few kids snapping pictures of my battered face.
Getting inside, I wasted no time speeding away.
 
But the closer I got to the city, the more tempted I was to turn back.
For Ash.
Because even though I was supposed to be getting over her now,
I knew it'd be awhile before I actually did.
 

//AIDAN//
.
.
.
*Summer*

Mentioned @mclovinn and hoping @laurcams94 and @vampire-weakend read this just because.
 
-----
 
4/30/13
 
Aidan;
 
Mad Men moved very fast.
 
Yesterday there was the table reading.
And today everyone was on set, in full costume, including me.
They dressed me in these tight pants and goofy button-down shirt.
And they slicked down my hair with this shiny cream that smelled like coconut.
I looked...weird.
Even though I was all prepared for my scene, Tim, the director, hadn't called for me yet.
So, I stood off to the side going back and forth between my lines and notes from school.
And half-watching my dad pretend to be an ad executive from the 60s.
 
Soon, someone was standing next to me.
And so closely that our shoulders were almost touching.
I looked over and frowned.
It was...her.
Blonde hair.
Beauty mark.
Red lipstick.
"It's Betty, right?"
"Yes," she smiled, somehow thrilled that I'd remembered her from yesterday. "Well, no. I play Betty but my name's Jane. Well. Janie. Janie Johnson. My agent thought it sounded friendlier."
"I like Jane better," I said without thinking.
I mean, what would the opinion of a practical stranger matter?
"So do I." Her face lit up, as if she had found the one and only person who'd taken her side on this. "Ah, well..."
Arms crossed, Jane was smoking, and watching the scene way more closely than I had been. But then again, she didn't have finals to study for.
"Should you be doing that in here?" I asked.
"Should I be doing what?" Jane wondered, glancing over at me.
And, I could've been wrong, but it was as if she genuinely didn't know what I was talking about.
"That," I gestured to the cigarette she held in one hand and the pack she clutched in the other.
"Oh, these? They're fake. You know, clover cigarettes? I'm practicing."
"Oh," my eyes went back down to my lines.
"I'm not a smoker," she went on. "And Tim says I look...odd...with a cigarette in my hand. So. I'm going to smoke these until I look like a natural."
 
As if trying not to stare at her lips wasn't hard enough.
But Tim was right.
She looked stiff and uncomfortable.
"What do they taste like?" I wondered. "The fake cigarettes, I mean."
"Oh, I don't know," Jane shrugged. "Strange."
Stuffing the script into my economics book, I reached out for the pack.
"You got a light?" I asked her.
"Oh, um, yes," she reached into a hidden pocket of her dress and pulled out a book of Sterling Cooper matches. "I got these from props."
I lit up and took a drag.
They weren't bad.
At first they tasted like marshmallows.
Then roses.
Then, towards the end, they tasted sort of like dirt.
Still, if had too, I could ignore all that and get through a scene.
And I already knew I'd have to.
Every character burned through, like, fifty of these per take.
 
"You've done this before?"
"A few times," I smiled, taking another drag.
It gave me something to do besides stare at her.
"Does your dad know?" Jane smiled back, teasing.
But I just shrugged.
He did.
My dad knew a lot.
About the girls I'd been with.
And the w.eed I've tried.
My mom was the one I had to censor things for.
I mean, sometimes, she still called me her baby.
"This isn't hard, you know," I told her. "I think you're thinking too much."
"Mm hm," she nodded. "That's my problem. I'm too much in my own head."
 
So, standing there, I gave her lessons.
I told her to relax her wrist, but her index and middle fingers should stay firmly around the cigarette.
"And when you inhale, hold it for a second," I instructed, demonstrating.
"Like this?" she tried again.
"Better."
Soon, a bell sounded, marking the wrapping of the day's first scene.
It reminded me of Monroe.
Dad came out of his pretend office, walking towards me, his eyes landing right on my hands.
"That'd better be fake," he tossed out before making his way to craft services.
 

5/1/13
 
'Young Don'.
That's who I was playing.
That was my name in the script.
When they called me to the set,
it was like they were summoning some Mafia kingpin.
 
I was kind of nervous about acting opposite 'Young Betty'.
The girl (Macy) seemed nice enough.
But her mother was there everyday and always hovering.
So we never got to practice alone.
 
But she was focused.
And just like Jane, she had the beauty mark.
I wondered if it was real.
I wondered where they found her.
Why they chose her.
Sure, she blonde and cute.
But to me, she didn't look much like Jane.
 
Our first scene showed the first time Don and Betty met.
He was a copy editor.
She was a model.
He'd bought her a fur coat to get her attention.
And they hooked up the first night.
When Macy and I kissed I was relieved when I felt nothing.
It was mechanical.
And boring.
It only took two takes.
But Tim thought it looked believable.
So, when we moved onto the next scene, I guess I was satisfied with what I'd done.
 
"You're really very good at this," Jane said, once I came off set so the LD could adjust the lighting.
Standing there in costume,her white pleated dress and matching headband, she looked f.ucking angelic, I couldn't help but admit.
"You think?" I smiled a bit.
She nodded to herself, thoughtfully, and her eyes were wide.
Somehow, I'd impressed her.
Again.
"Oh yes," Jane assured me. "If I had half your talent, I'd...well...it must be in your DNA."
I laughed.
And she did too.
 
"Listen," she began, glancing around as if she was about to tell me a secret. "Do you want to have dinner? Tonight?"
What?
A...date?
"Not a date," she shook her head before I could question it. "It's a thank you. For yesterday."
"Yesterday?"
"You know," she beamed. "The clover cigarettes? Tim said that I was a lot less awful today and it's all because of you."
"It was nothing."
"No, you were a great help," Jane insisted. "Besides, you have to eat. And not the horrific food they have in craft services. Honestly, they hardly offer anything healthy or green."
"Okay, then," I agreed.
Not that I didn't like craft services.
I mean, the fact that it wasn't just a table full of salads was actually a good thing.
"Perfect," Jane grinned, before practically bouncing off to her scene.
 
---
 
Jane let me pick the restaurant so I chose the Starlite Diner.
It was only a two minute walk from the studio,
and with it's bright lights and uncomfortable booths it was the exact opposite of romantic.
"Well," Jane glanced down at the plastic covered menus. "You're easy to please."
The exhausted-looking, grey-haired waitress came over to take our orders.
"I'll have a cheeseburger, fries...large Coke and....the apple pie a la mode."
"Wonderful," she scribbled on her pad before turning to Jane. "And for you, miss?"
"I'll just have hot tea with lemon," Jane gave the waitress a tight smile and eagerly handed her our menus.
"That's all you're having?" I wondered.
I mean, I never thought of her as one of those girls who never ate anything.
"It was the only thing here that isn't a thousand calories," she tossed out. "And I have several tiny costumes to fit into. I can't afford to gain a single ounce."
 
"You look fine to me," I told her.
Actually she looked infinitely better than fine.
And I doubt if one cheeseburger would change that.
She'd changed into her own clothes -
a fitted floral dress that could have easily been worn on set.
But her hair was still curled.
And her lips were still red.
She didn't just play Betty.
She was Betty.
Her look.
The sound of her voice.
It seemed like she should've been living her life in a black and white movie.
"Has anyone ever told you that you're easy to talk to?"
"Why?" I laughed a bit, taking a sudden interest in the salt and pepper shakers. "Because I complimented you?"
"No, because you just are," Jane said firmly. "It's...difficult. Trying to find someone in this city to talk to."
"Really?"
She nodded. "I don't think I like New York at all," she confessed. "But then again I didn't care very much for L.A., either.
"You lived in L.A.?" I was surprised.
Although it wasn't hard to imagine her on a California beach.
In one of those bikinis like Marilyn Monroe.
 
"For a little while," she nodded. "I did some modeling there. But, I found the people to be very...disingenuous. And here, well, everyone moves too quickly. I don't know how you're supposed to get to know someone."
"How long have you lived here?"
"Almost a year," Jane glanced away."Everyone says to give it time -"
"Maybe you should."
"Oh, I don't know," her eyes avoided mine. "I'm starting to think I'm not made for either coast. You've heard of that saying, haven't you? 'Not pretty enough for California. Not smart enough for New York'? That's me."
"Wait," I scoffed, exhausted with Jane putting herself down. "If you weren't smart, I wouldn't like talking to you. And pretty? Jane, you're pretty enough for anywhere."
"You're sweet," she grinned.
"It's the truth."
Soon, the waitress brought my food and Jane's tea.
And while I ate, Jane pulled a pack of clover cigarettes from her purse. "I need more practice," she explained.
"Are you sure you won't eat something?" I offered.
My portion could have easily fed two other people.
"No, you enjoy," she said. "Only one of us has the metabolism of a nineteen year old."
"You're not that much older than me."
I guessed that she was no more than twenty-four.
And she laughed for about twenty minutes.
"Oh, goodness," her fingers wiped away the tears that had crept from the corner of her eyes. "I haven't been twenty-four for a while now."
I wanted to ask her how old she really was.
But I knew better than that.
 
The table was quiet now.
I ate, while Jane pretend smoked and glanced out the window, ignoring her tea.
When the check came, I reached for it before she could.
"This was supposed to be my treat," she protested.
"No," I shook my head and handed over a credit card. "Not when you didn't eat anything."
"Oh, well," she leaned back in her seat, defeated, until, "next time then?"
Her face was bright again.
Hopeful.
And I wondered how lonely she had to be if she wanted to hang out with me -
a guy she'd just met and hardly knew.
But then again, I had plenty of friends.
And the city was just as much of my home as California was.
But I definitely knew what loneliness felt like.
Especially lately.
"Next time," I finally agreed.
 
---
 
5/2/13
 
//"Betty, I can't talk to you when you're like this," Don said, walking away dismissively.
"I know about you and that woman," Betty follows after him, her face filled with worry and strain.
"What?"
His brow is furrowed in confusion.
Like he not only wants her to believe his lies,
but now he believes them as well.
Betty lets out a breath she'd been holding.
It took all her courage to confront him this way.
"Damn it, Don, I know you're having an affair." She yells, but even angry, she's restrained. "You. And Bobbie Barrett.'
"What?"
"How could you?" she demands, her voice going soft. "She's so old."
Old.
Yes.
For beautiful Betty, this is the ultimate sin.
"Betty, that's ridiculous."
"I'm just telling you I know."//
 
Watching my dad in the middle of a scene was always the best.
But watching him play Don was beyond that.
It was, well, better than Stella's acting class.
Shi.t, he was convincing.
I knew him as a funny, easygoing guy.
But as Don he was...and I hated to say it...an a.sshole.
He repeatedly cheated on his wife.
He'd lied about his past.
And he seemed to make no apologizes about all of his mistakes.
I know it was kind of hypocritical of me to call anyone an a.sshole.
But all of my mistakes?
I felt like I was still apologizing for some of them.
 
"What did you think?" Jane asked, stepping out of the mock kitchen to stand beside me.
"You're going to get an Emmy someday," I told her, as I looked around for my dad.
He was off, I guess, to change for his next scene.
"No, oh, no," she shook her head, laughing, her hair bouncing around her face. "No, but thank you."
"You and my dad," I began, glancing over. "You two have...chemistry. I mean, you work well together."
"Oh, well, yes," Jane nodded thoughtfully. "Your father's very talented. And very professional."
"How do you do it?" I wanted to know. "That kind of connection, you can't fake it -"
"No..."
"So, how?" I asked her again. "How can you kiss him and be his wife on screen when he already has a wife off screen?"
"We've only kissed twice," Jane said, her tone apologetic. "And again, your father was very professional."
"I believe you," I smiled a bit. "I just want to know how you separate it all."
"It's not really us," her voice was careful. "It's Betty and Don. And their marriage is falling apart. So, whenever they show affection it's desperate. And sad. It's a last ditch effort to save what's already been lost."
"Right..."
"And I find that if you concentrate on the emotion of the scene, well, the kissing takes care of itself."
 
That's where I went wrong with Ashley.
I cared more about what she thought about me than what was going on in the scene.
And even though Stella gave us an 'A' everything else concerning us was a big f.ucking fail.
"Who's Ashley?" Jane asked curiously. "Is she your girlfriend?"
It was then that I realized I was saying everything out loud.
"No, no," I shook my head. At this point, that thought was beyond ridiculous. "She's just a girl. A girl I did a scene with once."
"But you like her?"
"Yeah, I like her."
It was easier to admit that now.
At least it was to Jane.
Nothing was happening and nothing would.
So what did it matter now?
"And she doesn't like you?"
"No," I admitted, but I didn't want to talk about it anymore.
"Well, she sounds like a very silly, foolish girl," Jane shook her head and tossed her hand, dismissively. "How could she not like you, Aidan?"
"That's kind of what I wanted to know," I sighed, but I also tried to smile.
It didn't work.
 
Soon, I was off to shoot with Macy.
It was another romantic scene.
But this time, on a closed set.
Young Don and Young Betty had just bought their house,
and were about to 'christen every room'.
Well, at least that's how Tim explained it to me.
I kind of wanted a shot of tequila or something.
As Tim called action, I silently prayed that my dad wasn't somewhere watching this.
Because it was bad enough that Macy's mom was.
 
We were kissing, frantically.
And I'd just hoisted her up on the kitchen table.
I was trying not to think about her hands in my hair.
Or my hands up her dress.
I tried to go on autopilot or something.
And do what Jane said.
Focus on the emotion.
 
They were young and married and in love.
And they wanted each other so badly they couldn't wait until they got to the bedroom.
That all made sense.
But I had to admit, with my eyes closed I was imagining that Macy was someone else.
Someone I actually wanted to kiss.
When her back pressed against the table, my mind flashed to my condo.
And another blonde.
Her lips against mine.
Her back against my wall.
It's crazy, but when Tim called cut, I half expected her to be there.
 
"Perfect," he said.
Really?
It definitely didn't feel perfect.
"Take five," Tim told us, as a team of crew members moved in to set up the next shot.
I buttoned up my shirt.
While Macy's mom ushered her away.
And I silently breathed a sigh of relief that my dad was nowhere in sight.
But Jane was.
And I didn't know how I felt about her watching me in a scene like that.
"Well," she sighed.
"Well?"
"That was....very.... believable."
 
---
 
Once we'd wrapped for the day, it was raining - hard.
My dad had left a few hours earlier.
And I stood outside the studio, under the awning, trying to decide if I was going to wait out the storm or make a run or it.
I zipped my jacket up to my neck, considering it, when I noticed Jane.
She was smoking and looking out at the rain.
I didn't think she noticed me at all.
Walking over to her, I took the fake cigarette from her mouth and threw it out onto the sidewalk.
"What are you doing?" she demanded.
Her eyes were wide, but her voice was just as soft as always.
So it wasn't much of a threat.
"What are 'you' doing?" I wanted to know. "And don't say practicing because you already have this down."
"I don't know," she shrugged. "I just needed something to keep me occupied. I guess."
"Why don't you you just go home?"
Jane sighed. "I could ask you the same thing."
 
I looked away.
Since my parents got back to New York, they had been staying in my apartment.
Not that I minded, but my place didn't really feel like my place anymore.
"Would you like to share a cab?" Jane asked, when I didn't answer.
"Sure," I didn't hesitate.
Although, there wasn't a yellow car in sight.
And I didn't even know what side of town she lived on.
But it was still raining and Jane, she looked unsteady.
She gotten home all this time without me.
But for some reason she was hesitating.
 
She looped her arm with mine and we ran out into the rain.
It was a block and a half away before a cab stopped for us.
Soaked, shoulder to shoulder, we sat in silence - while we rode to Chelsea.
"Do you live alone?" Jane asked, staring blankly at the glass that separated us from the driver.
"Sometimes," I told her.
"Do you hate it?"
"Yeah," I admitted. "Sometimes."
"Yes," she nodded. "Sometimes it's just intolerable."
 
The cab stopped in front of her building.
But for a few minutes, neither of us moved.
"Be a gentleman and walk me up," Jane turned to me, smiling a bit. "Please?"
After insisting that I pay,
(and promising the driver a big tip if he wait for me)
I followed Jane out of the cab and into the rain.
Then up two flights of stairs to her front door.
I was surprised that she lived in a place without a doorman or at least a front desk.
She was on everyone's television every Sunday night.
Maybe, I thought, she should consider a place with more security.
"Anyone could just come up here anytime they wanted," I said.
"I know," she sighed. "But I plan to move in the summertime."
 
Jane unlocked her door, but turned around to face me.
"Thank you," she said.
"No problem."
"So, I'll see you tomorrow?"
"No, actually," I said. "I'm not set to film."
Jim and some of the cast were shooting outdoor scenes, so they were going upstate.
I'd read in the script that Betty was going to be fighting off pigeons with a shotgun.
And I smiled a bit at the thought.
A part of me wished I were going just to see that.
"Well, then," she smiled.
And I stood there, staring, waiting for her to say more.
 
But instead, Jane kissed me.
She closed the distance between us and she kissed me.
And even though she was good,
and her lips were soft against mine,
I couldn't kiss her when I really wanted to kiss someone else.
My hands went to her waist, gently pushing her away.
"I can't," I told her, feeling a little out of breath. "You're beautiful and sweet. But I just...I just can't, Jane. I'm sorry."
Her hands cupped my face, "Don't be," she told me, but her eyes were sad.
She then turned away, closing the door and leaving me standing in an empty, quiet hallway.
 
I went downstairs and back outside, relieved that the rain had stopped and the cab was still there.
Exhausted, I leaned back against the seat.
I wanted to forget about the last few minutes.
Or at least not think about it for a while.
I mean, I couldn't think about Jane.
I couldn't think about any girl.
Except for one.
And that made me an idiot.
I mean, why couldn't I let it go?
Why couldn't I just f.ucking let it go?
Why did I have to keep thinking about --
 
The cab went over a pothole, forcing me to sit up.
And my cell phone buzzed at the same time.
I'd missed two text messages.
And I'd just gotten a third.
 
And they were all from Ashley.
 

//will u come 2 my party 2morro?//
 
She wrote and then
 
//the hamptons.//
 
and THEN
 
//pls? i want u there//
 

I stared at my phone for the longest.
In complete disbelief.
"Jesus, Ash," I mumbled to myself.
She wanted me there?
She WANTED me to be there?
After she'd spent weeks avoiding me?
Leave it to Ash to tell me something like that now.
 
No.
Hell no.
Why would I?
 
That's what I should have written back.
 
But instead -
 
//i'll be there//
 
I promised.
 
// :-) //
 
She replied.
 

//AIDAN//

@mclovinn Warning: Aidan's whiny and love-struck so I apologize in advance for the mushiness...and for the fact that Ash is mentioned, like, a billion times in this set so...yeah...lol. Oh, and I took some cues from your AMAZING story so I hope that you don't mind that either.
 
@laurcams94 Mentioned Chrissy, of course. Sorry that Chris and Aidan's lunch date doesn't exactly match up with the date of your last set. But, I figured that this could be ANOTHER time the two of them hung out? I pray this doesn't mess up anything for you, hun. Summ/Chrissy story will be up ASAP.
 
Oh and tagging @vampire-weakend just because you're awesome and I hope you read this too.
----
3/28/13
 
Aidan;
 
Somehow I managed to pull Chrissy away from Melinda Van der Rauden long enough to have lunch with me.
Melinda - she was okay only sometimes.
Most times she was bossy and annoying and I didn't get why Chris kept her around.
But I guess the same could be said about me.
 
"So," I started, doing my best to sound casual. "About Summ..."
"Yeah?" Chrissy said, looking up from the massive plate of french fries we were sharing.
"I hope she's not, you know, mad at you."
"No," Chris laughed a bit at that ridiculous thought. "She's not mad at 'me'. She's mad at 'you'."
"Yeah," I sighed, taking a sip of my drink. "Figures."
But how many more years was that going to last?
Seriously, why couldn't she just get over this and forgive me?
I mean, I may have lost her as a girlfriend, but it sucked even more that I'd lost her as a best friend, too.
"I told you to tell her," Chris tossed out.
"I was going to. I was just trying to find the right time."
"The right time would've been right when you got here."
I shrugged.
It was true but I wasn't going to admit that.
So, I ate a few more fries instead.
 
"Don't worry," Chrissy's voice was light. "Summ's perfectly fine. She's moved on, you know?"
"Yeah, to that guy Vin."
"Vin?"
"Vic?"
"Oh, you mean Von?" she laughed. "He's cool, but no. She's actually...."
"What?" I asked, before I could stop myself.
"Well..."
"Well, what?"
"I think she's...no," she shook her head. "You know, I shouldn't even be talking to you about this."
"C'mon, Chris. What?"
"No. You're both my friends, and I'm not getting in the middle of you two."
I wanted to press her but I guess I could find out in other ways.
"Whatever," I rolled my eyes. "I don't even f.ucking care."
"Right," she smiled. "Very convincing, Aid."
"No, really. I don't."
"O...kay..."
"I mean, Summ's not the only one who's moved on."
Well.
Technically she was.
But f.uck, I was trying.
 

"Oh, so there's a girl?"
"What?"
"You like someone new, huh?"
"No," I lied.
Trying to sound casual.
Avoiding eye contact.
Focusing on our food.
But Chris knew better than that.
"Who is she?" Chris asked cheerfully.
"Nope."
"C'mon, tell me."
"Well, it's...no. I shouldn't even be talking to you about this," I smiled - loving that I could throw her words back at her.
"Ha ha," she rolled her eyes. "So, have you two gone out?"
"Gone out where?"
"On a date."
"Ah, no," I frowned.
"Why not?"
"Because who goes out on dates anymore, Chris?"
"Fine," she sighed. "Well, does she at least know you're interested?"
"No...well...I don't know."
"Why not?"
"Because...we...we just...don't make sense," I said, struggling to explain.
"What is that supposed to mean?"
"Look, it just...it won't work out."
 
"How do you know that, Aidan?"
I shrugged. "I just know."
For the most part, I was avoiding her anyway.
Which wasn't hard these days.
She'd gotten a part in the Gatsby play on Broadway, so I didn't see her much on campus.
It was yet another way that we were miles apart.
Ash was starring opposite Leonardo DiCaprio and well on her way to becoming a Tony award winning actress.
And I was about to star in a movie in which I'd spend about two hours and a half hours blowing up random s.hit.
"Wow," Chris eyed me carefully. "I've never known a girl to intimidate you."
"Yeah, well," I mumbled. "That's because it's never happened before," I mumbled.
"Who 'is' she? She's turned you to mush."
Someone I couldn't be with.
Someone who Chris would probably never suspect.
Someone I was just going to have to work harder to get over.
"If you like her, you should just tell her," Chris said thoughtfully.
"Chris..."
"Oh," she said excitedly. "Or you could write a letter."
I made a face."What, are we in middle school?"
"You're definitely acting like it," she teased.
"What am I supposed to do, Chris? Ask her if she likes me? Tell her to check yes or no?"
"She might think it's cute," she laughed.
And I did too, trying to imagine it.
"Well, Chris," I shook my head. "You know that's not me."
"Fine. You don't have to send it. But, you need to do something, Riley," Chris smiled, still teasing me. "Because you're looking pretty pathetic right now."
"I know."
S.hit.
I already know that.
 

 
4/2/13
 
I don't know how long I was staring at that blank sheet of paper.
And hour?
Maybe two?
But I was determined to put something down.
And like Chris said I was being pathetic so maybe this could help.
Writing out my feelings didn't mean I'd have to show anyone.
I could just get it out of my head and onto the page.
I don't know where else I heard that but it was supposed to be true.
Maybe Stella had said it.
F.ucking Stella Adler.
She was into this emotional, tap-into-your-feelings type bullshi.t.
Yeah.
It was probably her.
 
But Ash.
How could I even begin to describe my feelings for her?
I mean, I knew what I felt.
But I wasn't able to make sense of that out loud.
Maybe writing would help after all.
 
Okay.
 
Chris said write a letter.
A letter I would NEVER send.
So...
 
Here goes:
 
//Dear Ashley...//
 
No.
 
I balled it up.
I never called her Ashley.
It was always Ash unless I was mad at her.
And I'm not mad at her.
But.
Ashley 'was' her whole name.
And this letter was kind of serious.
So, maybe it would be better to use Ashley instead of Ash?
Would she even care?
It didn't matter because she was never going to see this.
God.
Never.
But still.
If I was going to do it, I was at least going to do it right.
 
//Dear Ash...//
 
Because that's what I called her.
Ash.
But I balled that up too.
'Dear' was too formal, right?
This wasn't a business letter.
Wait.
Did people even use 'Dear' business letters?
Hell if I knew.
 
//Ash...//
 
That was better.
Okay...
 
//Ash,
I know that you think I'm an a.sshole but...//
 
F.uck.
 
I ripped that sheet out of my binder.
And tossed it to the floor to join the others.
Because any idiot could tell you that when you're trying to get a girl to 'not' see you as an a.sshole,
you don't start a letter reminding her that she thinks you're an a.sshole.
 
//Ash,
I like you. I just, God, I just really like you and I..../
 
No. No.
NO.
 
This sheet I tore into little pieces and shoved aside.
I couldn't just blurt that out on the page, right?
These things needed to be eased into.
Alright.
Okay.
Maybe...
 
//Ash,
Sometimes you think you know how you feel. And then you don't. Feelings change. People change. And you never think they will. But then they do. And you're left wondering how you ever felt any differently than the way that you feel now. So you go around feeling things that you never thought you'd feel. And when you feel that way you just don't want those feelings to change again. So you...//
 
What. The. Hell?
What the hell am I even saying?
 
"God!" I yelled, my voice echoing through the condo. "I can't do this!"
I pushed away from my small kitchen table and started to pace.
What the hell was wrong with me?
I couldn't tell her.
I couldn't even explain my own feelings to myself.
Everything that came out was just stupid.
And clumsy.
And...not...I don't know...worthy of her.
 
Sitting back down, I took another deep breath.
I could do this.
I had to do this.
For my own sanity.
 
Chris told me to be honest.
And I could be honest.
No one had to see this.
I just needed to get these thoughts out of my head.
 
Alright.
Be honest.
Be honest.
 
Now...
 
//Ash,
I think you're amazing.
Really, really amazing.
And I know that we have a strange past, but
ever since we did that scene together things have changed.
At least for me.
I can't stop thinking about you.
And I've tried - I SWEAR.
But it didn't work out.
You're on my mind all the time.
I spend all this time thinking about you.
And then I see you in class
and I have to stop myself from staring.
It's crazy. We've known each other for years.
But sometimes I feel like I'm seeing you for the first time.//
 
Okay.
A little sappy.
Alright, maybe it was a lot sappy.
But not completely awful.
And definitely all true.
 
//I know what you think of me.
And I know that I'm not the kind of guy that you usually go for.
But I'd like to try and prove to you that I'm really not that bad.//
 
I'm 'not' that bad.
No. I'm not.
Not really.
 
//Honestly, I don't know what I'm even asking.
If you asked me, I don't think I could tell what I'd want from you.
I guess I just want you to know how I feel.
I want you to know that I think you're brilliant.
And talented.
And so, so pretty.
And we both know you're way too good for me.
But that doesn't stop me from wanting to see you.
And talk to you.
And just be around you.
Everyday.
 
-Aidan//
 
I took another deep breath.
I had to admit, it 'did' feel like a weight had been lifted.
And just those few lines had given me a little clarity.
Ash 'was' too good for me.
And I knew what she thought of me.
How could I change her mind?
How could I even begin to prove to her that I wasn't, in fact, an a.sshole?
I knew I couldn't.
Which is why I was I wasn't able to tell her.
 
Out of the blue, my cellphone went off, alerting me of a gossip chick update.
I hadn't paid much attention to them lately, and I'd been meaning to stop looking altogether.
I mean, when I was still in California, they used to be my only way to see Summer, to know what was going on.
But I wasn't interested in who she was kissing these days.
Or what the Queen of Monaco was up to.
The message wasn't about them anyway.
It was about Ash and some guy named Peter - the guy from the Gatsby play.
He was the Nick to her Daisy and apparently they were a thing now.
Looking down at the phone I nodded.
Understanding.
It was sinking in.
I'd been an idiot.
And Ash and I were never gonna happen.
Crumpling up my letter, I was preparing to throw it on the floor with the others.
But then I smoothed it out again.
I'd never written something like this before.
And even though I wasn't going to give it to Ash, it would be a good reminder.
A reminder of how I needed to f.ucking move on.
 
(Besides, I could always set it - and myself - on fire later.)
 

4/7/13

I'd started running.
And lifting weights.
And playing basketball again.
I'd told myself that I just wanted to be in shape.
I mean, filming with Bay started at the end of next month.
And I needed to look...well...I needed to be ready.
But the truth was, I just didn't want to think.
About...anything.
Or anyone.
 
But, I'd also said I needed a distraction, and I guess this was pretty much it.
Sports.
Exercise.
Working out until I was exhausted.
It had been a while so I'd forgotten how good I was at all this.
Then again, sexual frustration was proving to be better than steroids.
 
Not that I had done steroids.
But still.
 
I was leaving the gym
(after beating Matt - badly - in a game of one-on-one) when my cell phone rang.
I smirked when Trish's picture came up.
"Checking to see if I'm ready to drop out?" I asked instead of saying hello.
"Just let me know when you get this ridiculous college stuff out of your system," she said, and I was sure she was rolling her eyes. "And we can get on to more serious matters."
"What's up, Trish?" I asked, leaving the gym and making my way back to the condo. "Did you call me to criticize my life choices -"
"No, of course not, " she laughed a bit. "But then again, I don't have all day."
" - Or did you actually want something?"
"So," she sighed, her tone turning serious. "How would you feel about doing a guest spot on your dad's show?"
"A guest spot? Playing who?."
"The younger version of his character."
"What?"
"Dozen of guys have auditioned and it just hasn't been a good fit. They want you to read for it."
"Why didn't my dad tell me?" I wanted to know.
"Because the producers haven't told him, they told me," Trish explained. "And now I'm telling you."
"Oh..."
"So, what do you think?"
"I think...cool," I kind of laughed, and shrugged, even though she couldn't see me.
It would be something.
I mean, I've watched my dad on set before, but I never got to actually work with him.
"What? No questions? No doubts? None of your usual bullshi.t?"
"If you want I could tell you that it's been weeks since we've talked and you're already getting on my nerves, I tossed out. "But only if it helps."
"Hilarious," she said, and I could tell she was smiling.
She gave me all the details before she hung up -
Where I should go for the reading in the city and what time I should be there.
 
Another thing to keep me occupied.
And trust me, I welcomed the additional distraction.
 

4/10/13
 
I ran into Ash at the coffee shop on campus.
"What's a caffè con zucchero?" she asked me, coming up to stand beside me in line.
"It's a specialty order," I said.
"It sounds a little girly, Riley," she teased.
"Not girly," I insisted. "Special."
"Whatever you say."
She laughed.
And I tried to smile.
But we both knew this was awkward.
 
"So, I hear you're dating that Peter guy - from the play?"
I didn't even mean to ask.
Liking her was hard enough.
Bringing up the dude she was seeing was just plain stupid.
"Oh," was all she would say.
 
Soon I'd have my coffee and Ash would be gone.
I had to get to the city.
I didn't want to be late for my reading.
And I didn't want to think about her -
(well, anymore than usual)
so I pushed her out of my head.
In fact I was done with my thoughts about her.
Yep. Completely done.
 
The reading was easy enough though.
My dad's character, Don, apparently has a secret past.
And they were looking for someone to play his younger self in the flashbacks.
"He looks so much like him," Beth from casting said.
"No," said the woman who plays Don's wife on the show. I think her character's name was Betty. "He looks like both of his parents. He's the perfect blend."
Before I was done, I figured the part would be mine and I was right.
I was excited, but this was all too simple.
There were struggling actors going after the same parts that had just fallen into my lap.
All these opportunities kept coming and I didn't deserve them.
I didn't.
But still, they were mine.
 
"Congrats," said Betty, just as I was leaving, weaving my way through the set and past craft services, eager to find my dad somewhere and tell him the good news.
"Thanks," I said, really looking at her for the first time.
She was blonde and pretty and smiling.
And the beauty mark near her lips made it impossible not to stare.
But I was already hoping that I wouldn't have to see much of her in the future.
Because, Jesus, blondes were trouble.
 

4/26/13
 
Rob and I weren't friends.
But when he invited me to his latest party it was no question that I would show up.
I wasn't expecting to have fun.
And after I'd seen Ash walk in wearing a short red dress, my night was pretty much shot to hell.
So I stayed close to the bar.
Trying random, colorful drinks.
Downing some that had been set on fire.
Chasing them with fancy foreign beer.
 
Concentrating on getting drunk as soon as possible, I didn't notice Summer until she came and stood right next to me.
My eyes widened at the sight of her.
And not just because she looked so...and her eyes were just...
I was surprised that she was suddenly willing to be this close to me.
For a while, we didn't say anything.
She drank something purple from a shot glass.
And I slowly ripped the label from my beer.
Surprisingly, it didn't feel awkward.
But it was probably because I was almost numb.
 
"I saw you and Ash on Gossip Girl," Summ said at last, not looking at me.
It took a while for that to sink in.
I'd almost forgotten how someone had gone through great lengths to get a picture of us kissing when we'd practiced that first night at the sorority house.
No one asked me about it, except Matt.
And I had easily convinced him that it was nothing.
Still, of all the things that Summ could've said to me, I wasn't prepared for that.
"Not that I owe you an explanation," I tossed out, rolling my eyes. "But it's not what you think."
"Oh? So you 'don't' like her?"
She glanced over at me, waiting, but I went back to my beer instead.
"Wow," she scoffed and reached for another drink.
A pink one this time.
"We were practicing."
"I'll bet."
"God, Summ, why do you care?"
"Because as much as I want to hate you, I can't," she confessed, her voice strained. "And because broken hearts? They f.ucking suck, Aidan. And you know what? Ashley? She will break your heart."
"Real dramatic, Summ," I took another sip of my beer. "This conversation's pointless. Me and Ash aren't together and -"
"But you want to be, right?" she pressed. "And I know you. If you wanted something to happen with her, it would."
"I don't -"
"I get it, you know," she said quietly, finally glancing over at me. "Ash is very pretty. And she has that sweet, innocent thing going on."
"Summer -"
"Boys like it," she tossed her head, laughing a bit. "Matt. Rush. Alex. That boy from that band and now you. You all see her as some perfect, angelic virgin that you can teach."
"That's not it -"
"And I love her, but she's far from innocent," Summ went on, looking away again. "And though it'll be amazing for about two weeks, she's going to get restless or scared or bored and she's going to push you away. And what's worse, she won't even be able to tell you why."
"Yeah and you would know all about pushing people away, right?"
 
That seemed to sting because she was quiet for a while.
"Yeah," she admitted quietly. "That's how I know. And I know Ash, too. She's my friend."
"Is she?" I demanded. "Really? Because you two never see each other and all you've done for the last few minutes is talk s.hit about her."
"I'm not talking s.hit," she frowned. "I'm just being honest. I'm trying to -"
"To what?" I yelled above the music. "To make sure I'm still alone?"
"What are you talking about?"
"It's fine for you to be with some old guy, but only if I stay in the exact same place."
She was surprised to know that I knew about her boss.
"Yeah," I mumbled. "You're not the only on who reads those bullshi.t blasts."
"He's not old," she said firmly.
"Yeah, well I don't f.ucking care."
"You know, you don't have to be an a.sshole, okay? I was just trying to help."
And deep, deep down, I knew she was.
In her own inappropriate and poorly timed way.
But I was frustrated.
And I'd had too many drinks to censor myself.
"Well, let 'me' help 'you'," I tossed out. "I'm not with Ashley. I'm not with anybody. And it'll probably be like that for a long, long time. So, you can go on feeling superior because while you've moved on, I'm still f.ucking miserable. How does that sound?"
I reached out for a shot, while Summ stared at me in stunned silence.
A part of me thought, even hoped she might cry, but instead she looked just looked pissed. And maybe a little bored.
"Go f.uck yourself, Aidan," she rolled her eyes, taking the drink out of my hand and downing it herself.
"Right back at you, Blondie," I mumbled before stumbling into the next room.
 
There, Nate was lighting up on the couch, a girl on either side of him.
The room was filled with smoke.
Everyone was mellow.
This, I thought, was probably where I needed to be.
"Hey man," Nate smiled sleepily, making me out through the haze. "You want?"
He held out a lit joint, and I took it without much hesitation.
I'd been pretty straight edge since I'd gotten back from Cali.
But, my first drag reminded me why I always showed up to Rob's parties.
His w.eed was always the best.
 
Eventually I plopped down next to one of Nate's girls.
I finished one joint and she passed me another.
Then we laughed at the ceiling for what seemed like an hour.
Soon, Matt came back from wherever and joined in the fun.
The ceiling was still funny.
And Nate's girl's thigh was warm against mine
 
Distraction, I told myself.
 
That's all it was about now.
 

//AIDAN//

@laurcams94 Mentioned some of the Schullers, doll. And just be patient with me. Working on a Chrissy/Summ story where Summ finally tells her bff about Ty....<3
 
Oh and a special thank you to @vampire-weakend and @mclovinn and @emgeemtee...you three along with Lauren are my only faithful readers and I love you all for it.
 
PS - excuse any typos...
------
 
4/28/13
 

Summer;
 
I stared at the gown my mother had sent me for the gala.
It was red.
It was floor-length.
It was perfect.
It was Dior.
 
And it was a complete surprise.
//Pour toi, mon ange// read the note attached.
I traced my mom's handwriting with my fingers.
Angel?
No.
I wasn't her angel.
I wasn't anyone's angel.
Was there ever a time when I was?
 
Taking it carefully from it's box, I hung it in front on my closet.
I'd been so excited to wear it.
But now, it was just this beautiful reminder of how I'd f.ucked things up with Ty,
and how he was so mad at me that he'd uninvited me to yet another party that I'd helped plan.
Spending the week exiled from Empire gave me a lot of time to think.
Maybe this is what I deserved.
I mean, Ty had said some mean things.
But so had I.
 
"Hurry up in there," Von knocked on my bedroom door, pulling me out of my thoughts, and sounding very far away.
Sighing, I slipped on the dress, before coming out of my room to face him.
"Zip me?" I asked, turning around before he could answer.
"Wow," he said.
"You think?" I smiled a bit, looking over my shoulder.
"You already know," he rolled his eyes. "That dress..."
"My mom designed it," I ran my hands down at the flawless red fabric. "It's a one of a kind."
"One of a kind dress for a one of kind girl."
I smiled again, but, "Wait. Why are you being so nice? It's not like you."
He shrugged - gestured to our open kitchen.
And the open bottle of rum on the counter. "I'm a little drunk."
"Nervous about Hannah?" I wondered.
"I don't know," Von mumbled. "What about you? Nervous about facing Ty?"
 
"No, I, um... actually I...I'm not going."
"What?" he frowned.
"I'm not going," I said brushing past him, to take a sip of the rum myself.
"Summer..." Von let at a harsh sigh, his eyes going to the ceiling. "C'mon. Please? We don't have time for this."
"Just go without me."
"Can you just -"
"And don't worry," I smiled. "Hannah's going to love you."
I mean, how could she not?
He looked great in his tux.
Von smiled a little too. "You've been talking about this Dionne dress -"
"It's Dior and you know it. And -"
"And what? You're just going to wear it around the living room?" he wondered. "Why aren't you going now?"
"Because," I said quietly. "Ty doesn't want me there."
"And when have you ever let that stop you?"
I shrugged, thinking about Vegas.
"Yeah," I mumbled. "But things are different."
"What's changed?" he wondered.
Everything, I wanted say.
"Summer, this is the routine. Ty says no. You do it anyway. And eventually he forgives you. Because you're pretty. And he can't help himself."
"Stop it, Von," I shoved him a bit.
"You know it's true."
"I still don't want to go," I protested, looking down at my dress again.
God, it was perfect.
And it was also the nicest, most unexpected thing my mother's done in years.
I wondered why.
Though no matter the reason, it deserved to be seen.
But, "Christian took my seat."
"You're still on the guest list," Von said, moving around the room, gathering his wallet and keys. "So..."
I guess having a seat didn't matter.
If I was going to go, I was only going to stay long enough to talk to Ty.
"You go first," I told him. "I'll be there in a while."
 

Von;
 
Without thinking, I grabbed Hannah's hand as we walked inside the Plaza's ballroom.
And I tried to concentrate on the way she blushed, then smiled and weaved her fingers so easily with mine -
and not the way Jess looked back and forth between us, her eyes questioning, before giving me a tight, awkward smile.
And then suddenly turning away.
"Oh wow," Hannah said, her eyes fixed on the chandeliers.
"Yeah," I agreed. The whole place looked like it had been dipped in gold.
And though my name was on the guest list, half of me still expected to be kicked out at anytime.
"It's beautiful in here," she sighed.
She seemed amazed and that surprised me.
I'd imagine a girl like Hannah would come to places like this all the time.
"You look beautiful too," I said, careful to keep my voice low.
Jess's eyes were fixed on us.
And f.uck, if looks could kill...
 
But I concentrate on Hannah.
The sequins on her dress.
And the way everything in the room seemed to excite her.
"I've never been here before," she blushed.
"Yeah, me either," I smiled.
We talk and talk.
She tells me about living in Connecticut.
And being a cheerleader.
And how much she loves her puppy, Rosie.
And I tell her about missing Vegas, being careful to leave out anything about Emma.
Because you never mention an ex on a first date.
Not that this is what that is.
I mean, not really.
"So," I began. "What's the deal with Christian?"
"Oh, well," Hannah glanced over at him before turning back to face me. "He's okay. Kind of serious."
"No kidding," I scoffed.
"But he's always nice to me," she went on. "Every time he goes to Europe he brings me something back."
"Hm," was all I'd say, unsure if that was enough to change the opinion I'd already formed about him.
"Plus, he really loves my sister," she smiled.
 
It was my turn to glance over at them.
With him in his tux and her in her white dress, they looked like some perfect bride and groom.
And it was true, he 'did' look like a guy in love.
But Jess looked distracted.
Even though she slipped her hand on his and smiled shyly when he whispered in her ear, I lost count of how many times I'd caught her glancing around the room.
But then again, so was I.
As much as I loved talking to Hannah, I was keeping an eye out for Summer.
I didn't want anyone at the table to see her.
But I don't know how she was going to slip in unnoticed.
Not in that red dress.
And not with her being...her.
But I hoped that she'd find a way.
Apologize to Ty.
Get this little battle over with.
Because work felt strangely empty without her.
 
"Do you wanna dance?" Hannah asked, excitedly, grabbing my hand and pulling my eyes away from the entrance. "I don't think I'll be able to move once Adele gets here."
The only music playing was something classical by a quartet of strings.
I wasn't a great dancer as it was and this was sure to make me look extra clumsy.
But Hannah.
It was damn near impossible to look at her face and tell her no.
"Sure," I mumbled reluctantly and let her pull me from my chair.
And though I was sure I was going to make a fool of myself on the dance floor, getting to hold Hannah close to a few moments wouldn't be so bad.
I just wish Summer would get here.
 

Summer;
 
It would've been stupid to come through the main entrance of the ballroom.
Empire's table was placed towards the front near the stage, with a clear view of the dance floor and I would have been spotted for sure.
And then there was the stairs and my dress.
I would've had to take them slowly, parading in like some silly beauty queen.
It was too risky.
So I found another way inside.
I'd found a hallway that lead to a door that would let me enter towards the back of the room.
And when a few members of the Plaza staff tried to stop me, I just mentioned Ty's name and showed them my work I.D and they me pass without anymore questions.
 
Now inside, I scanned the room and wondered how I'd find Ty and apologize and leave just as quickly as I came.
But it was crazy.
There were hundred of people there.
And knowing Ty, he was going around from table to table, trying to charm them all.
He wasn't going to be happy that I'd once again come to an event I'd been banned from.
And he definitely wasn't going to want to be pulled away from a charity event to hear my pitiful apology.
This was a bad time.
And I'd known that way before now.
I should just leave.
I should just disappear.
I should just go home and get out of this gown before I was seen and just -
 
"Summer?"
 
Turning, I saw Anne and Robert.
Dazzling and perfect, they seemed to glide over to me, since seeing them I was sort of frozen in place.
Anne pulled me into a tight hug and Robert kissed my cheek.
And though I wanted to cling to them, I pulled away and pasted on a smile.
"What are you two doing here?" I asked, trying to sound pleasantly surprised rather than horrified.
I mean, I'd helped finalize the guest list.
And the Schuller's weren't on it.
What was going on?
"It was last minute," Anne explained. "A friend of ours was called out of town so we're taking their place."
"Besides," Robert added. "This is one of our new favorite charities."
"Of course," I mumbled, looking around nervously. "Is Chrissy here?"
Because I wanted her to be.
I could finally tell her everything.
And she could help me figure out this complicated mess.
 
Robert and Anne exchanged a look that worried me.
"What's wrong?" I wanted to know.
"Honey, it's nothing," Anne insisted. "She's just not here tonight. Chrissy's been...busy. With school."
"Oh..."
"But Abby's here. And so is Carter," she went on brightly. "I don't know where they rushed off to but..."
"No," I shook my head.
Abby was one thing.
But I couldn't see Carter.
Not tonight.
I mean, even hearing his name was enough to make my heart stop.
"I can't," I insisted. "I mean, I'm working tonight, so..."
"Right, of course," Anne smiled, glancing around the room. "Empire did an amazing job."
"Guys I hate to rush..."
But I needed to get away.
I needed to find Ty and avoid Carter and get out of here as fast as I could.
 
"Well, when are we going to see you for dinner?" Robert asked just as I was about to turn away.
"Dinner?"
"We haven't seen you," he told me. "We miss you."
"Everyone does," Anne added. "And Tatum! Oh, gosh! She's gotten so big..."
And I've missed it.
They didn't say it but I know it was true.
"I miss you, too," I said weakly.
And I did.
But with Carter...no...I didn't want to start thinking about him.
"I'll call you soon about dinner," Anne said, sounding final and sure.
I just nodded but I was already thinking of an excuse to get out of it.
Although, I knew better.
Anne Schuller didn't answer to the word 'no'.
 
We said goodbye and I rushed away.
I didn't know where to go to find Ty.
So I gave up my search altogether and went out on the terrace.
It was pretty cold but the fresh air actually felt good.
And out there, I could breathe again.
It cleared my head and made me realize how coming here was an especially bad plan.
'But all your plans are bad' I could practically hear Von say.
And though the thought made me want to laugh, I cried instead.
 

Ty;
 
I felt like I'd covered every inch of the ballroom.
Shaking hands, posing for pictures.
Thanking generous donors and even stopping by my table to check on my staff.
(Mark had already had too much champagne.
Angela was exchanging business cards with a guy at a nearby table.
And, surprisingly, Hannah and Von were laughing and spinning on the dance floor.)
I smiled and made small talk with Christian, just to show Jess that I could be nice.
'Thank you', she mouthed.
Smiling.
And she looked happy.
But only when she was looking at me.
 
Even though I'd spent practically the whole night glancing around the room hoping to see Summer, I was surprised once I actually did.
She was talking to a couple before she rushed out onto the terrace.
Was she already leaving?
Going out the back way without saying a word?
Without thought I followed her and though I was stopped a few more times, to pose for more pictures, I finally managed to make my way into the cold, night air.
 
Summer was sitting on a stone bench, her head in her hands.
Not looking up until the heavy double doors closed behind me.
"You're crying," I said, taking in her face and her dress.
I hated to see her that way.
But I was still so glad that she was there.
"It's cold," she sniffed, wiping her cheeks.
Rushing over to her, I took off my jacket and placed it around her shoulders.
"That's because it's February," I shook my head. "It's still winter, you know."
"Yeah, I know," she sounded annoyed.
"What are you doing here?" I asked.
And I wasn't mad.
Just curious.
"I needed some air and I just -"
"No, not out here. I mean 'here', Summer."
I told her to stay away.
And it shouldn't have surprised that she didn't listen.
"I missed you," she breathed. "And I wanted to see you. And I wanted to tell you that I -"
"I'm sorry."
"Yeah."
"No," I laughed a bit. "I'm sorry. I am so sorry. For everything I said. For what I did."
 
I had Mark working overtime, trying to find some bullshi.t loophole to keep her away tonight.
It was stupid.
I was stupid.
And heartless.
And I should have apologized long before now.
I should have called her.
I should have done a lot of things.
But I wanted to give her space.
And I needed time to figure out what to do because I didn't know.
Her. Us. This.
It was pretty much brand new territory.
 
"I'm sorry, too," Summer said, the words rushing out. "I mean, Ty, you have to know that I wanted to be here with you tonight. But I was scared. And I didn't want to hurt anyone."
"Hurt who? Who would you be hurting?"
Von?
She hesitated, biting her lip, looking away. "Jess," she whispered. "She loves you, you know."
"I know."
"You do?"
I nodded.
"And you don't love her?"
I shook my head.
A part of me wished it was Jess I was in love with.
Things would be a lot easier if that were true.
"Well, what do you do if someone's in love with you and you don't love them?"
"Be kind."
And she nodded.
Understanding.
"I'm not ashamed of us," Summer said firmly. "And I'm not going to hide anymore."
I moved in closer, my heart beating fast.
"I'm going to tell everybody," she went on, smiling weakly. "If you want, I'll snatch the microphone from Adele and tell the whole world that I'm yours."
 
Laughing, I wiped the tears from her chin and cheeks. "I'm just happy you told me."
"Yeah?"
"Yeah. Now please don't cry anymore."
She smiled and even with slightly red eyes and flushed cheeks she was gorgeous.
Cupping her face in my hands, I kissed her without another thought.
"Let's just leave," I whispered, and I gently bit her bottom lip hoping that would help convince her.
"We can't," she sighed". "You have a speech."
I'd almost forgotten, but it seemed a lot less important now.
"Well, will you wait for me?"
I reached into my pocket and pulled out a key card. "You got a room here?"
"The royal suite, of course," I smiled.
"Why?"
"I thought it be easier to just spend the night here," I told her. "And I didn't really want to go home anyway."
"But why not?" Summer wanted to know.
"Because you're not there."
And lately, it seemed colder somehow.
 
Summer smiled again, wrapping her arms around me.
Pressing her lips against mine.
And when I felt her fingers grip my neck to pull me closer, I wanted to pick her up and carry away.
"I'll wait," she promised, her mouth now teasing my ear. "Just hurry."
"I promise."
"Because I need help getting out of this dress."
 

Von;
 
I'd seen them - first Summer and then Ty - go outside.
Which meant they were talking.
Which meant Summer was coming back to work and everything could get back to normal.
I had to go out there and make sure that everything was okay.
"You're not listening," Hannah sighed against my ear.
I pulled back and stared down at her.
We were dancing and had been for a few songs now.
She didn't complain about how bad I was.
And I liked holding her close.
Maybe Summer wasn't as horrible a matchmaker as I'd originally thought.
Not that me and Hannah were exactly a match.
But it was official.
I liked her.
 
"Sorry," I said lamely. "I thought I saw Summer."
"She's here?" her eyes lit up.
"I think so," I told her, reluctantly pulling away. "I was going to go check, but don't tell your sister."
"You don't like her, do you?" Hannah blurted out. "Summer, I mean. She's not your girlfriend, is she?"
I shook my head. "No, we're just friends."
Summer was kind of like my best friend.
But that's all.
Why did everyone think there was something more?
"Okay," she smiled.
"Okay."
And I smiled back.
I was about to walk away and leave her on the dance floor.
But she grabbed my arm.
And kissed me.
Capturing my lips with hers.
Catching me off guard.
 
It took me a second to adjust, but I gripped her waist until she was pressed against me.
"Damn," I smiled once we broke apart.
"I had to," she said, running her hands slowly down my arms, until her fingers were intertwined with mine.
I leaned in, kissing her again. "Don't move, okay?"
"Okay," she smiled.
And I found myself running through the ballroom, almost knocking people over, already eager to get back to her.
 
I peered through the glass doors that lead to the terrace.
Just to make sure that Summer and Ty weren't fighting and that the coast was clear.
And it's true, they weren't fighting.
 
They were kissing instead.
 
Dumbly, I stood there.
Waiting for my brain to catch up with what my eyes were seeing.
"What the actual f.uck?" I whispered to myself.
But no matter what anyone could say it wouldn't make a difference.
No one could make this make sense.
 

 
Von.
//T.P.//
*Summer*

{This is kind of blah but whatever. I feel like I'm just writing these stories to entertain myself now.}
 
------
 
2/22/13
9:45 am
17 State Street
 

Ty;
 
You see?
This.
This is why I didn't do relationships.
Because 'this' is what they reduce you to.
 
Even though I had a staff meeting in fifteen minutes -
And even though I should have been in my office preparing for it -
I wasn't.
Instead I was sitting in my limo.
Stalling.
Brooding.
Avoiding the gorgeous blonde intern who had turned me into someone I hardly recognized.
 
In fact, I'd spent the whole week avoiding her - which wasn't my style.
Whatever the challenge, I usually faced it head on.
And damn it, I didn't...mope.
I didn't get sad or hurt or let things like this bother me.
Women - they were always a source of pleasure, not stress.
Always.
And if things got stressful, I had no problem walking away without looking back.
So this was a strange feeling -
wanting to be exclusive with someone when I'd spent a lifetime avoiding serious relationships.
And it felt like a cruel joke that when I had finally been willing to try,
the person I wanted to be with tells me that they don't want the same.
 
Ten minutes left before the meeting and I couldn't put off seeing her any longer.
Somehow I finally managed to get out of my own head and out of the limo.
Summer said she wanted to keep things casual.
Well, I wanted to keep things professional.
I was just her boss now.
That's it.
That's all.
Things would have to go back to the way they were.
Before I kissed her and became emotionally crippled.
 
Walking into the conference room, I told myself not to look at her.
But that rule was broken within the first few seconds.
Her eyes were wide, hopeful, beautiful.
And it made me hate myself for what I was about to do.
 

Summer;
 
Ty would hardly look at me.
It had been days since we'd seen each other.
Days since we've talked.
He'd barely answered my text messages and now, he wouldn't even give me eye contact.
I hated to admit it...but...yes...it hurt.
Watching him ignore me, it took everything inside of me to stay in my seat.
And not demand an explanation in front of Angela and Mark and Von and Jess.
 
The meeting started.
And we all took notes.
There was talk of the summer -
Far off plans for parties in the Hamptons.
On yachts. And in mansions. And on rooftops. And by pools.
But soon Ty mentioned the gala.
And though I was trying to focus, my mind wandered to our last conversation.
I hurt him, I know.
And I hated that.
But I just wanted to talk again.
To tell him that even though I wasn't ready for something serious didn't mean I didn't care.
Because I did.
So, so much.
 
"And now for some hard news," Ty said, interrupting my thoughts. "Due to the liability laws in the state of New York, we now have to be extra careful concerning events where there will be alcohol served. And because of that...I'm sorry, Summer but...you won't be allowed to come to the gala."
The room went so quiet I almost thought I was suddenly deaf.
Everyone turned to me - Jess questioning, Angela indifferent, Mark sympathetic.
"What?" I breathed. "Why?"
I looked to Von for help.
He was my friend and fellow intern.
I mean, if I was going to be shut out of this event, I wouldn't be shut out alone, would I?
"You're underage," he said simply. "And we've been careless in the past, but to protect our company's future we have to pay closer attention to liability, so...again...I'm sorry."
With that, he gave me a polite nod.
And soon the meeting was over.
Everyone gathered their things a filed out of the conference room.
Everyone except Von and me.
I sat in stunned silence.
And he sat beside me.
 
"Are you f.ucking kidding me?" I managed after a while - may voice low and breathless.
"Summer..."
"It's less than a week before the...and he just goes and...no," I shook my head and pushed away from my seat.
"Maybe you should calm down before you go and -"
But I ignored him.
I rushed out of the conference room and down the hall to Ty's office.
And I didn't bother knocking.
 
"What the hell was that?" I demanded, as the door slammed closed behind me.
Ty was sitting behind his desk.
And it pissed me off how calm and comfortable he looked there.
"I thought I was pretty clear in my explanation," he said nonchalantly - pissing me off even more.
"That explanation was bullsh.it, Ty," I yelled. "Why don't you tell me what this is really about."
"This is about liability, Summer," he said slowly, as if were talking to a complete moron. "If someone underage is drinking on the premises and then goes out and hurts themselves or someone else due to intoxication, then not only will Empire be held responsible, so will the Plaza and the Have a Heart foundation. It's too much of a risk."
"But I don't even drink at these things," I argued.
Lately, I hardly drank at all.
Because I knew that Ty didn't like it.
But I could definitely use one now.
"Liability isn't about what 'will' happen," Ty went on - coming from behind his desk to face me. "It's about what 'might' happen."
"Well, what about Hannah? Hm? She's younger than me. And she still gets to go?"
"She has Jess as her guardian."
 
"God!" I exclaimed. "You have an answer for everything!"
"Summer -"
"I can't believe how unfair you're being."
I stared at him.
Feeling very confused.
Gone was the Ty who laughed with me over takeout.
And taught me how to play poker with Oreo cookies.
This Ty was serious and mean.
Apparently, he didn't care who's feelings he hurt.
"You're making this personal when it's just business," he insisted "Those contracts that Mark draws up? Well, they actually mean something. There are rules, Summer and -"
"Don't you f.ucking stand there and talk to me like I'm stupid," I yelled. "This isn't business. This 'is' personal. And don't pretend like I don't know what you're doing."
"I don't know -"
"Since I won't go with 'you', you're making it so I can't go at all."
"I'm doing what I think is best."
"All that you're doing is being a complete a.sshole," I screamed. "And that's not business. That's very personal."
"You know what?" he sighed, taking a folder from his desk, and closing the distance between us. "I don't have time for this, Summer. I don't have time for one of your irrational outbursts. You're not going to the gala and that's it. But you still have a job to do and right now, all I need to know is if you can still do that."
Snatching the folder from his hands, I threw it to the floor.
Watching all the sheets inside scatter and fall against the carpet.
Do my job?
That was a joke.
Ty didn't even respect all that I had done.
"You can take this job and shove it up your a.ss," I screamed.
Ty stared at me.
Stunned.
And angry.
"And you can go home now," he told me, turning away to walk back to his desk.
"What?"
"You're suspended," Ty said lightly, not even bothering to look at me now. "Effective immediately."
"What?"
"For the remainder of today and for the rest of next week. You won't be needed inside this office."
I stepped back.
Shocked.
As if he'd hit me.
Honestly, he might as well have.
It stung just as much.
"God," I cried. "Who are you?"
"I'm your boss," he said firmly.
And with that, he went back to work.
Like I wasn't even there.
He still wouldn't look at me.
It was all very cold.
 
"Am I...interrupting...something?" Jess asked.
She came inside Ty's office, moving slowly, and looking back and forth between us.
Sympathetic towards him. Judging, as always, towards me.
"No," I said, shooting Ty one last hateful glance. "We're completely done here."
"Summer -" I heard him call after me.
But I kept going.
I was leaving.
Just like he'd ordered me to.
 

Ty;
 
Summer slammed the door behind her while Jess shot me a look filled with questions.
My fingers massaged my temples - feeling a migraine coming on.
That was a disaster.
Sitting there, I wondered when I got godd.amn petty.
"What happened here?" Jess wondered, before bending down to pick up the papers that littered the floor.
"The usual," I tossed out carelessly. "Just one of Summer's tantrums. It's nothing we haven't seen before."
"Ah, some things never change," Jess placed the folder on my desk, before taking a seat across from me. "Do you want me to talk to her?"
I shook my head. "It's fine. I handled it."
In the worst possible way.
But it was done.
"It's funny," Jess began gently. "But Summer is the one thing I 'don't' think you can handle."
"I'll admit that she's..."
"Difficult?"
"And smart and capable..."
"She distracts you."
"Oh really? How so?"
It was true but I was curious.
"With the tantrums, obviously," Jess scoffed. "And with the way she's constantly challenging you when she doesn't get her way."
I nodded.
Summer did challenge me.
From the very first day we met, she showed me that I didn't intimidate her.
She spoke her mind.
She was passionate.
But those were some of the things I loved most about her.
 
And sometimes, they were what frustrated me the most, too.
 
"Von is capable and smart as well and he doesn't..." Jess's voice trailed off. "You know, why do I feel like I'm wasting my time with this speech?"
"You're not," I assured her. "Things with Summer have got to change and they will. Trust me, I'm handling it."
"Good," she seemed pleased.
"Good."
"I've just never seen this before."
"What?"
"You. Like this," Jess eyed me, almost suspiciously. "She's the only one who gets away with talking to you like that."
"That's not true."
"Well, who else is there?"
"You," I smirked.
"Oh," she laughed. "Maybe. But I've put in the time."
"It's true. You have."
 
She smiled at me.
Then looked away - down at the notebook she always seemed to have when she came into my office.
"Did you want to talk about something?" I wondered. "I mean, something other than our interns?"
"Actually, I did," she said. "About the gala."
"Yes?"
"You know that I'm bringing Hannah."
"Right..."
"And I'm also bringing Christian."
"Oh," I said, unable to hide my surprise. "I didn't know you two were..."
"Yes," she nodded. "For a few months now."
"And the engagement?"
"We've talked about it," she said carefully. "But right now...we're just...happy...with the way things are."
"Well, if you're happy..."
"I am," Jess nodded. It seemed practiced. "Anyway, I just wanted to tell you because I know that you and Christian haven't always seen eye to eye. And I'm just hoping that we can all...just...get along now."
"I get along with everyone," I teased.
"Well, then," she giggled. "I was worried for no reason."
I tried to smile but I wasn't happy at all.
Summer was out.
Christian was in.
And my migraine only intensified.
 

Von;
 
I knew the routine.
Ty would say no.
Summer would get pissed.
Sure, she'd complain about it for a solid hour.
Still, in the end everything would go back to normal.
But, this time?
This time things already felt different.
Because Summer wasn't just pissed.
She was angrier than I'd ever seen her.
 
Coming back to her desk, I watched her gather her things - snatching her bag and shoving her chair aside.
"What happened?" I wanted to know.
"He told me to leave," she said, her voice unsteady. "So that's what I'm doing."
I watched her walk out, but then I jumped up to follow her.
Leave?
What the hell was going on?
"Wait, wait, wait," I followed her through the foyer, struggling to keep up, and ignoring Joyce's disapproving looks. "He 'fired' you?"
"No," she sighed as the elevator doors opened. "But he suspended me for a week."
"What?"
"He's being such an a.sshole!" she cried, stepping inside.
And again I followed her.
"Can you believe him?" Summer went on, angrily. "I mean, after everything I've done. After everything we've been though and he just shuts me out like that? Who the hell does he think he is?!"
"He's our boss..." I said lamely.
"Oh, so you're on his side?"
"No," I shook my head. I wasn't. "I mean...it f.ucking sucks that he did that -"
"You're damn right it f.ucking sucks!" she yelled. "I mean, Von, I've been pushed out of yet another party that I helped plan! Who does that?"
I didn't know what to say.
I just watched her pace the length of the elevator floor.
Unsure of what she was about to do next.
"I understand that he's mad at me," she went on. "But sometimes you just can't give people exactly what they want. That doesn't mean that you punish them."
"Summer," I looked at her, puzzled. "What are you talking about?"
"Nothing," she was quieter now. Closing her eyes, she leaned back against the elevator wall. "Just...nothing."
"What happened?"
"Nothing!" she insisted. "He's just an a.sshole, you know? End of story."
 
The doors opened and Summer rushed through the lobby then outside into the fresh air.
And I followed her.
Again.
"Where are you going?" I asked her.
Standing in the middle of the sidewalk she looked lost.
Her cheeks were flushed.
Her hair was blowing around her.
And I thought she might cry.
Or collapse.
And I couldn't understand.
"I don't know," she shrugged, sounding way stronger than she looked. "Away from here. Before he calls security on me or something."
"I can talk to him if you want," I offered.
Although I wasn't exactly sure what I'd say.
But I could at least try.
This all seemed like some bullshi.t misunderstanding
Ty was a pretty reasonable guy.
Maybe he'd listen to me.
"No, no," she shook her head. "It's fine. Just do me a favor."
"Yeah, sure."
"Just make sure my name stays on that guest list."
 

Von.
*Summer*
//T.P.//

I SO had NOT planned to do a then/now set for Summer.
 
I mean, I saw everyone else's and I loved them. But going back through old sets sounded so painful (which it was btw! I mean, my writing back then was just...no.)
 
Besides I just felt that I said everything I needed to say here: http://www.polyvore.com/meet_summer_roberts/set?id=36020814&lid=1435454
 
And now Summer has her own tumblr (which is updated pretty regulary): http://summer-elizabeth-roberts.tumblr.com/
 
So, I thought, what else is there?
 
But...Summer.
Ah, Summer.
I just love her so much.
 
And she really has changed over the past three years so I guess attention must be paid. And there are some things about her past that I want to be clarified - little known facts and where she might be going in the future. So, if you're reading this, it means you love Summ too. And that in turn makes me love you more.
 
Three years, again, is a long time so the fact that you're still interested warms my heart.
 
So please enjoy the following.
-------
Summer Elizabeth Roberts - hot, sexy party girl turned hot, sexy working girl (and no, not THAT kind of working girl)
age: 19
born: June 10, 1993
------
The Roberts Family, then: Believe it or not, Summer used to have a NORMAL family life. She and her older sister, Chloe, lived happily in an Upper East Side penthouse with their father, Pierce - who worked on Wall Street and their mother, Audrey - a model-turned-mother, who focused on her husband, children and various charities. There were family dinners and family outings and family trips. It was all very Schuller-like. But then, as Chloe and Summer got older, their parents' priorities changed. Pierce and Audrey became more focused on their careers - with Pierce exchanging Wall Street for Hollywood and Audrey reentering the fashion world as a designer. And Audrey, desperate to relive her modelling days, encouraged Chloe to follow in her footsteps, coaching her eldest and making sure her face was seen in many popular campaigns. That left Summer alone. Well. Not really alone. Luckily, she had her best friend Chrissy and the rest of the Schullers, who embraced her completely, and became her surrogate family.
 
The Roberts Family, now: Spending so much time apart ultimately led to the breakup of Pierce and Audrey's marriage. Divorcing (secretly) in 2011, they've both moved on with their lives. Pierce lives in L.A. with his new girlfriend, casting director, Rachel Kelly, (http://www.polyvore.com/who_is_rachel_kelly_mmn/set?id=45711638&lid=1435454) and works as a producer, while Audrey lives in Paris and after designing for a few fashion houses, has now settled at Dior. Chloe, after a two-year battle with bullemia that included a stay at an upstate facility, left the fashion world and the Upper East Side behind. Happily living in Brooklyn with her longtime boyfriend, Evan, Chloe is senior photography major at NYU. She is currently (and unknown to Summer and Evan) looking for photography assignments oversees.
Though there was talk of moving Summer to Paris during her junior year (http://www.polyvore.com/are_you_kidding_me_mmn/set?id=15683556&lid=321904) she's still in New York (where she plans to live forever and ever) close to her sister and the Schuller's.
 
The Roberts family, in the future?: Even though she's estranged from them, Summer desperately wants her parents back together. She remembers when they were all so close and happy and has never stopped longing for those days. Maybe she'll use her, um, "awesome" matchmaking skills to get rid of Rachel Kelly and get her parents back together? Or maybe that won't work because her mother's started seeing someone new? Or maybe there will be wedding bells in Pierce and Rachel's future because there's another little Roberts on the way? And what about Chloe? Will Evan ever put a ring on it? Does she even want him to? So many questions.
-----
Summer and the Schuller's, then: When her parents were away, Robert and Anne made sure that Summer felt loved and included. There was never a moment when she didn't feel welcome in the Schuller home. She celebrated holidays with them and even went on a few vacations. She was a bridesmaid in Liza's wedding (http://www.polyvore.com/rehearsal_dinner_mmn/set?id=21714750&lid=531652) (http://www.polyvore.com/my_heart_head_dance_floor/set?id=21750924&lid=531652) and is an extra aunt for Liza's baby girl, Tatum (http://www.polyvore.com/luckiest_baby_in_world_mmn/set?id=38878766&lid=1435454) In Chrissy, Liza and Abby, Summer had three more sisters, in Tripp and Will, Summ had two older brothers. And Carter? Well. That's another story.

Summer and the Schuller's, now: As much as she loves them, things with most of the Schullers are...distant. (Especially with Carter, but again, that's another story.) She and Chrissy get to spend a bit of time together, with them being (part-time) college roommates, but not so much with the rest of the family. With her being so focused on work, she hasn't seen much of them. She didn't even spend Thanksgiving and Christmas with them this year.
 
Summer and the Schuller's, in the future?: Hopefully, Summer will manage her time better and drop by for a Schuller dinner once in a while. But it is unsure. She still feels very awkward where Carter is concerned and those feelings have made her unwilling to reach out.
-------
Summer and school, then: It wasn't that Summ was a bad student - she just was never really interested in school. Summer was more focused on the social aspect - like who was dating who and where the next party was. At Monroe, she did just enough to keep the dean from notifying her parents - although there were many times when she skipped school to shop or sleep in or hang out with a boy. Still, she managed to get the classic college preparatory education - complete with the knowledge of classical literature and the ability to speak (somewhat) perfect French.

Summer and school, now: As a Verona college student, Summer is way more serious about her grades. And no one is more surprised than she is. Before she graduated high school, she felt lost. But, once she finally found her passion and figured out what she wanted to do with her life (http://www.polyvore.com/college_talk_mmn/set?id=28427421&lid=655230) she had a renewed focus. Summ goes to class and she does the work. But she's still counting down the days until graduation - when she can leave Verona for good and stop commuting back and forth from the city.
 
Summer and school, in the future?: Two years down, two more to go. There will be no grad school for Summer.
-------
Summer and work, then: Summer didn't have a job in high school and it never occurred to her to get one. Money was never an issue with her family (she and her sister have a trust fund, after all) so she was more focused on fun.
 
Summer and work, now: Work is pretty much Summer's priority now. Once she discovered her love and passion for event planning, she was determined to intern at New York City's premiere event planning company, Empire Entertainment. After sending in her application, (and instead of writing a boring essay) Summer invited Empire's CEO, Ty Phillips, to a party she threw for the (psychotic) Lizzie Davis. When she didn't see Ty at the party, she later went to his office to demand that he give her the job that she knew she deserved. Only to find out that he already had. (http://www.polyvore.com/unofficially_mmn/set?id=32325168&lid=655230) What was supposed to be a three-month long internship introducing her to the business, turned into a year-long paid position that she loves more than she can say.
 
Summer and work, in the future?: Ty always jokes that Summer will eventually take his job and ultimately take over his company. But Summer has proven to be smart and capable - so that isn't so far-fetched. As much as she loves Empire, she's been there for a year, so maybe she's getting restless? Maybe she'd like to find a new job? Or maybe she's tired of working and would just like to focus on school? With her now personal relationship with Ty (more, later) things get complicated? Maybe he fires her? Does she quit? Or has she truly found a home at Empire?
-------
Summer and her bffs, then: Growing up, Chloe was not just Summer's older sister but she was her closest friend. She idolized Chloe and wanted to do everything she did and go everywhere that she went. But, as Chloe grew up and started modelling, the two spent a lot of time apart. Which was a sad time for both of them.
Still, Summer had close relationships with Ashley Hartman (who always protected her) and Autumn Reeser (who she always went to for sound advice). And of course, there was Chrissy Schuller. Those two were joined at the hip since they were seven years old. Still, the two weren't completely without drama.
It was a difficult time for their friendship when Summer and Aidan started dating. Chrissy and Aidan, both from California, practically knew each other from birth and though the two dated when they were really young, they have a history that Summer's not completely clear about. When Aidan moved to NYC in middle school, the two never paid each other that much attention. But then things changed. Aidan crushed and one night he ended up protecting her from a guy named Nick (http://www.polyvore.com/mandys_party_mmn/set?id=13532671&lid=321904), eventually punching him to protect her honor (http://www.polyvore.com/payback_mmn/set?id=13592391&lid=321904). To thank him, Summer kissed him (http://www.polyvore.com/half-day_mmn/set?id=13605662&lid=321904), and thus, 'Saidan' was born.
The drama came in the form of Gossip Girl, and an ugly rumor had Summer questioning her friendship with Chrissy (http://www.polyvore.com/pretty_little_liar_mmn/set?id=17502332&lid=426298). But the two got through it (http://www.polyvore.com/athenas_dinner_party_mmn_story/set?id=17769996&lid=426298) and haven't had much drama since.
 
{AUTHOR'S NOTE: I really hate Chrissy/Summ drama, by the way. HATE. IT.}
 
Summer and her bffs, now: Summer and Chrissy are as solid as ever, although, again, Summ's job does keep them from spending the time they'd like to spend together. As for the rest of her friends, Summ's been pretty distant from them since they all came to college. And now, with work, she has definitely been out of the loop - as she didn't know that some of her friends were dating members of a boy band (Cam and Ashley) and that another was engaged to be married (Autumn). Summer has been sad, realizing how much she's missed but she hasn't yet figured out how to balance everything.
Since she's started at Empire, Summer has found a new best friend in Von Taylor. Even though when they first met, Von seemed like a complete a.sshole. In the beginning he antagonized her and annoyed her. But soon he became her partner in crime (http://www.polyvore.com/pull_some_strings_mmn/set?id=42761762&lid=1435454) and confidant (http://www.polyvore.com/no_promises_mmn/set?id=54257487&lid=1435454), her roommate and knight in shining armor (http://www.polyvore.com/youre_mess_princess_mmn/set?id=58623906&lid=1435454). They're so close that a lot people assume that they're dating. But they're not.
 
Summ has also befriended Hannah Hastings - her boss' assistant's younger sister - whom she's come to adore.
 
Summer and her bffs, the future?: Hopefully, Summer will learn to balance work with the rest of her relationships. Maybe she'll have some free time coming up? She longs to reconnect with everyone.
-------
Summer and love, then: Summer was never into relationships. She loved boys. She loved to flirt. She loved sex. But, she never wanted to be serious with anyone. It wasn't until her last two years of high school - where she had three life-altering relationships - that her attitude changed. It's true, Summer wasn't the best at relationships. She had a tendency to put all of the boys she dated on a pedestal. Doing that made her insecure. And feeling insecure made her restless (and prone to kiss other people) . And being restless she would ultimately push her boyfriends away. Yeah. It was a vicious cycle. But her relationships (the good and the bad) taught her that she could fall in love - and, in the past that wasn't something that she was so sure of.
 
Summer and love, now: Because she's been hurt in the past, Summer is now reluctant in love. Deep down, she wants a relationship but she feels that she continually fails at them, so now she shouldn't even bother. It's best, she thinks, to keep things sexy and casual. That way she won't get her heart broken again.
 
Summer and love, the future?: Summ is sure that whatever happens, she won't get married. Though she's had some good examples of marriage (the Schullers and the Rileys) her parents' marriage was enough to be turned off by the idea. As for short-term, Summ is unsure if she'll be willing to open her heart again. Fully. For real. She wants to but she's very scared.
 
NOW. LET'S GET SPECIFIC.
 
Summer and Aidan, then - It's true that Aidan and Summ have been on (http://www.polyvore.com/player_no_more_mmn/set?id=13725367&lid=321904) and off (http://www.polyvore.com/just_like_that_mmn/set?id=14876013&lid=321904) and on (http://www.polyvore.com/dont_just_want_to_be/set?id=15459377&lid=321904) and off (http://www.polyvore.com/dont_believe_that_blog_believe/set?id=16171020&lid=321904) and on (http://www.polyvore.com/maybe_dont_wanna_talk_mmn/set?id=16251032&lid=321904) and off (http://www.polyvore.com/im_done_with_this_mmn/set?id=16282032&lid=321904) and on (http://www.polyvore.com/movie_aidan_making_amends_athena/set?id=17094964&lid=426298) and off (http://www.polyvore.com/april_fool_mmn/set?id=17433347&lid=426298) and on (http://www.polyvore.com/back_again_mmn/set?id=21546529&lid=531652) and off (http://www.polyvore.com/weve_run_out_words_time/set?id=23006130&lid=531652) and on (http://www.polyvore.com/tgif_party_blush_mmn/set?id=24163147&lid=531652) and off (http://www.polyvore.com/boo_you_hore_mmn/set?id=25250804&lid=655230) and then on (http://www.polyvore.com/agreed_mmn/set?id=25630643&lid=655230) and off (http://www.polyvore.com/go_get_your_girl_mmn/set?id=25686968&lid=655230) and on (http://www.polyvore.com/an_open_book_mmn/set?id=31652047&lid=655230) and then off again (http://www.polyvore.com/so_much_for_being_sexiest/set?id=52646668&lid=1435454).
 
{AUTHOR'S NOTE: Oh, my God! These two were INSANE!}
 
Still, Aidan was the first guy that Summer ever said 'I love you' to. To Summer, Aidan was not just a boyfriend, he was a best friend. He encouraged her dreams and supported her. They laughed together and she honestly felt like she could tell him anything. He really got her, you know? Aidan totally understood who Summer was and loved her for it. And the chemistry? It was craaazy. Though the two may at times have struggled with trust and honesty, they never struggled with that. And despite all of their drama (and they had A LOT of damn drama) the chemistry is what kept them both coming back for more.
Even though they were in a very good place, Summ and Aidan's relationship fell apart after graduation (when Aidan moved back to California and - at the last minute - Summer decided not to go with him ~ http://www.polyvore.com/california_back_again_mmn/set?id=36326797), both of them proving that they weren't cut out for a long-distance relationship. Despite promises to work hard at their relationship, visit often, and keep in touch, the two spent too much time apart. Summ was, of course, focused on work. And Aidan, feeling lost, ended up cheating (http://www.polyvore.com/dont_think_about_anything_else/set?id=48405396&lid=1435454). Although he was quick to confess (http://www.polyvore.com/so_much_for_being_sexiest/set?id=52646668&lid=1435454) Summ was not quick to forgive (http://www.polyvore.com/trying_to_fix_it_mmn/set?id=52648493&lid=1435454) and the two broke up.
Again.
 
Summer and Aidan, now: Though Summer has moved on from their relationship, she is still hurt by the fact that Aidan cheated on her for the SECOND time (Erin was the first ~ http://www.polyvore.com/boo_you_hore_mmn/set?id=25250804&lid=655230). But, as much as she wants to hate him, she doesn't. She can't. She still cares for him, even though she wishes she didn't. Now that he's back in New York AND going to Verona, Summer is determined to keep her distance. Even though there are many who are waiting for a Summer/Aidan reunion (because, come on, breaking up and getting back together is WHAT THEY DO) Summer is sure that'll never happen. As far as she's concerned, Aidan is the same as Nate - an ex she would never ever ever consider giving another chance.
 
Summer and Aidan, the future?: If the past is any indicator, Summer and Aidan won't be able to stay away from each other for long - even if Summer is working hard to do just that. Maybe Summ will forgive him? And maybe they'll find a way to be friends? Or maybe they'll give this relationship thing one more try and we'll later get the crazy Vegas wedding that all of Monroe predicted?
-------
Summer and Nate, then: Nate was Summer's first (which she very much regrets now, by the way). But during her freshman year at Monroe, and much like a lot of other girls, she was pretty infatuated with him. After the Fourth of July party that he threw during the summer before sophomore year, the two of them hooked up. And while Summ thought it was the start of...something, Nate wasn't interested in getting serious. (http://www.polyvore.com/will_cause_you_physical_pain/set?id=16589585&lid=321904)
Afterwards, their relationship pretty much consisted of him teasing her and Summer getting annoyed. (http://www.polyvore.com/club_new_wave_mmn/set?id=17707444&lid=426298). But soon that changed, as Nate showed that he could actually be a decent human being (http://www.polyvore.com/unexpected_heart-to-heart_mmn/set?id=18188984&lid=426298). The more they talked and the more time they spent together, the more they realized they couldn't ignore the feelings that they started to have for one another. And though Summer was reluctant because of their past, she agreed to give their romantic relationship a try (http://www.polyvore.com/lets_try_mmn/set?id=18389360&lid=426298).
Nate, however, proved to be a pretty crappy boyfriend. He and Cam were unfinished business (http://www.polyvore.com/nates_pool_party_mmn/set?id=18480819&lid=426298) ~ (http://www.polyvore.com/you_want_her_go_get/set?id=19293817&lid=426298), he missed Summer's 17th birthday party (http://www.polyvore.com/so_im_17_mmn/set?id=19579685&lid=426298), and then there was Nate and Cam's old sex tape that was somehow leaked to Gossip Girl (http://www.polyvore.com/different_kind_fireworks_mmn/set?id=20411437&lid=426298). Even though their relationship made Summer feel anxious and constantly like she wasn't good enough, she forgave Nate over (http://www.polyvore.com/who_needs_crown_mmn/set?id=18714840&lid=426298) and over (http://www.polyvore.com/now_that_youre_free_mmn/set?id=19673440&lid=426298) and over again (http://www.polyvore.com/dear_summer_mmn/set?id=20687226&lid=531652).
Summer reached her breaking point when Morgan Atwood returned to the city (http://www.polyvore.com/thats_when_saw_it_in/set?id=20713514&lid=531652). It was then that she realized that Morgan was, in fact, Nate's one true love and that she was nothing more than a poor replacement for the real thing. With that, she was completely done (http://www.polyvore.com/we_need_new_word_for/set?id=20964596&lid=531652). Summer broke up with Nate and didn't look back.
Still, she was heartbroken. Summer's relationship with Nate left her bitter for a long time and even though he tried to be at peace with her (http://www.polyvore.com/two_visits_in_study_hall/set?id=23194185&lid=531652) ~ (http://www.polyvore.com/strictly_ballroom_mmn/set?id=23238802&lid=531652) she hated him.
 
Summer and Nate, now: The two don't really have a relationship now. Summer's managed to get over her anger towards Nate, but in it's place is just indifference. To Summ, he's simply a guy she regrets dating. But, she has gotten to the point where when the two cross paths they can have a normal conversation.
 
Summer and Nate, the future?: Maybe Summer will throw a party for him? You know, to celebrate his season on 'The Bachelor' or something? But beyond that they don't have one.
 
{AUTHOR'S NOTE: Okay, seriously, reading my old writing has caused me PHYSICAL PAIN I swear, each story was more cringe-worthy than the last! How did ya'll read that stuff?!}
-------
Summer and Carter, then: Little known fact, but, Carter was Summer's first kiss. True enough, she was only in middle school and he was passed out from getting drunk for the first time. But, to Summer, it still counts. Though she's always considered Will and Tripp older brother figures in her life, she never felt that way with Carter. Summer's loved him since she was twelve years old. It was this enormous crush that never seemed to go away (http://www.polyvore.com/brotherly_love_mmn/set?id=20583513&lid=531652) ~ (http://www.polyvore.com/cure_for_boredom_mmn/set?id=21039219&lid=531652).
Even when she was dating someone else, Summer couldn't help but care about him (http://www.polyvore.com/dont_go_mmn/set?id=22422513&lid=531652). Later, Summer realizes that Carter cares about her, too. And before he leaves for another tour in Iraq, they kiss (http://www.polyvore.com/sweetest_goodbye_mmn/set?id=22973731&lid=531652) even though she's still dating Aidan. Carter misses her while he's away (http://www.polyvore.com/wait_for_me_mmn/set?id=23616142&lid=531652). When he comes back, she's suddenly single, and the two pick up where they leave off (http://www.polyvore.com/welcome_home_mmn/set?id=25752062&lid=655230).
For Summer, being with Carter was a dream come true - she really was happy. They were pretty hot together (http://www.polyvore.com/whatever_you_want_mmn/set?id=26166062&lid=655230) ~ (http://www.polyvore.com/getaway_mmn/set?id=26363022&lid=655230) and Carter was incredibly patient with her (http://www.polyvore.com/so_are_you_in_this/set?id=26533087&lid=655230). But their relationship wasn't without it's challenges.
At first, Carter was concerned about their 9 year age difference (http://www.polyvore.com/dirty_little_secret_mmn/set?id=27505017&lid=655230) and then they had a pregnancy scare (http://www.polyvore.com/baby_talk_mmn/set?id=27514633&lid=655230) ~ (http://www.polyvore.com/results_are_in_mmn/set?id=27636747&lid=655230). And with the scare, Anne definitely had some concerns about their relationship (http://www.polyvore.com/something_to_think_about_mmn/set?id=27926380&lid=655230). It all made Carter second guess himself (http://www.polyvore.com/then_be_with_me_mmn/set?id=28258044&lid=655230).
Carter was Summer's idea of perfect but there were times when she felt that she couldn't give him what he wanted (http://www.polyvore.com/more_baby_talk_mmn/set?id=29155682&lid=655230) and that made her feel very insecure. Ultimately, it was those feelings that led to her (drunkenly) breaking up with him over phone during a class trip to Rome (http://www.polyvore.com/drunk_dialing_mmn/set?id=30419293&lid=655230). It was stupid and cruel, she'd admit now, and it's definitely something that she'd come to regret. But, at the time, she thought that her and Aidan made more sense - and that Aidan actually needed her. Carter, she thought, deserved better (http://www.polyvore.com/druken_hearts_sober_minds_mmn/set?id=30532307&lid=655230). So, she left him. Thinking it was for his own good.
After the breakup, Carter and Summ tried to get closure (http://www.polyvore.com/closure_mmn/set?id=33381296&lid=655230) but that proved unsuccessful (http://www.polyvore.com/thanksgiving_at_schullers_mmn/set?id=41841388&lid=1435454). Despite their still strong feelings for each other, they managed to get to a peaceful place (http://www.polyvore.com/apologies_mmn/set?id=44036420&lid=1435454). Even though they had spent months apart, being at the Quogue house together proved that they were still very much attracted to each other and that there were still a lot of feelings there (http://www.polyvore.com/something_stupid_mmn2/set?id=58626127&lid=1435454).
 
Summer and Carter, now: Other than work, the main reason why Summer has been distant from the Schullers is because of Carter. It's very confusing feeling the way that she does about him - she thinks that he's too good for her, but then she'd die if he ended up with someone else. Of course, Summ knows how unfair that is, but she can't help it.
When the two are around each other for any length of time, they either fight in frustration or kiss in...frustration. So, Summ thinks it's best to just avoid him altogether. Still, she does think of him from time to time, although she may not say it out loud.
 
Summer and Carter, the future?: Well, Summer can't avoid the Schullers forever. They're her family and eventually she and Carter will have to be in the same room together again. Will they EVER get closure? Will they find a way to be friends? Maybe they'll end up making out a bit? Or will Summer one day drop her bias against marriage, become Mrs. Robert Carter Schuller, II and give birth to Baby Rihanna?
-------
Summer and Ty, then: To Summer, Ty Phillips was merely someone she wanted to work for. She'd joined forces with Lizzie Davis, throwing a party to celebrate the launch of her new ad campaign (http://www.polyvore.com/strictly_business_mmn/set?id=28895094&lid=655230) just to impress him enough to get him to agree to let her intern for Empire Entertainment. And it did. She got the internship, but it wasn't what she thought it would be. Summer was sure that she'd be the only intern - but instead there were three more. Though she was worried about getting recognized for her work, Ty assured her that she would (http://www.polyvore.com/you_will_shine_mmn/set?id=34282828&lid=655230).
From the beginning, Ty proved to be a fair and supportive boss (http://www.polyvore.com/decisions_decisions_mmn/set?id=39693315&lid=1435454) even when Summer challenged him (http://www.polyvore.com/new_years_in_vegas_mmn/set?id=44038952&lid=1435454) and frustrated him (http://www.polyvore.com/welcome_to_intern_hell_mmn/set?id=45249686&lid=1435454) and tested his patience (http://www.polyvore.com/jess_is_back_mmn/set?id=49703624&lid=1435454). Despite all that, he couldn't help but be intrigued by her. And after a year of dealing with conflicting feelings, Ty acted on them (http://www.polyvore.com/premiere_mmn/set?id=69079326&lid=1435454).
Even though Summer always thought Ty was hot (because honestly, how could she NOT think so?) she never considered anything beyond flirting (http://www.polyvore.com/you_came_to_your_senses/set?id=40624178&lid=1435454). Especially once she learned how many models he'd dated and what a womanizer he was rumored to be (http://www.polyvore.com/hes_really_popular_with_ladies/set?id=44042612&lid=1435454). Plus she thought that his assistant Jess was in love with him (http://www.polyvore.com/big_plans_mmn2_sotc/set?id=42516050&lid=1435454) and was eager to play matchmaker. So, she was (pleasantly) surprised by his attraction towards her. True, she was apprehensive - she didn't want anyone to think that she'd slept with him to get the job - but she couldn't deny that she was attracted to him as well (http://www.polyvore.com/discretion_mmn/set?id=69226158&lid=1435454). Summer was willing to try things with Ty - but she was bent on keeping their relationship private and casual and fun (http://www.polyvore.com/still_secret_mmn/set?id=69804013&lid=1435454).
 
Summer and Ty, now: It's been six month since they first got together, and while Summer is content to keep things the way they are, Ty (a man who's never even been in a long-term relationship) finds himself wanting more (http://www.polyvore.com/kiss_before_go_mmn/set?id=76614506&lid=1435454). Right now, they're at a standstill. And it seems like they both want different things. Still, they both care about each other very much and...no, actually, the two really love each other. But they're both nervous about being the one to say it first.
 
Summer and Ty, in the future?: Office romances can be exciting but they rarely last. Maybe Summer and Ty will break up and go back to their business relationship? Maybe Summ will quit her job so she can concentrate on her romantic relationship? Or can she have both? Will they say 'I love you'? And who will say it first? Maybe Summ will change her plans, get her Master's in business, take over Empire Entertainment, rename it 'Roberts Enterprises, INC', and keep Ty on as a consultant?
 
RANDOM THINGS THAT YOU MAY OR MAY NOT KNOW ABOUT SUMMER here ----> http://pastebin.com/SSZtgvyU

2/18/12
10:12 am
17 State Street
 
Von;
 
Watching Summer check her cell phone every two seconds was annoying.
Actually, it was more than annoying.
It was super f.ucking annoying.
For the hundredth time this morning, she looked down at her screen.
And giggled.
And smiled.
"So," I began, louder than I needed to, desperate to get her attention. "This guest list is crazy, right?"
"What?" she said, not even bothering to look at me.
"The guest list," I repeated, already exhausted with this one-sided conversation. "For the 'Have a Heart' gala at the Plaza?"
Silently, I kicked myself.
When the hell did I start using words like 'gala'?
"Oh," she mumbled. "Right."
The gala - s.hit, I mean the party - was about a week away . And even though Empire had been working hard to organize it, we'd also get to just be there and enjoy it. Which meant I needed to get a tux.
And possibly a date.
"Adele's going to be there," I told Summer. "Jess told me she's going to sing."
She liked Adele.
I knew that.
But she'd tuned me out.
 
"Okay," I turned away from the computer screen, frowning. "Who's the guy?"
That question had been ringing in my head for weeks now.
Months even - what with the secret calls and her constantly sneaking away.
I mean, hell, I practically lived at her place by myself these days.
And since I couldn't concentrate with all of Summer's sexting I decided to finally stop pretending not to notice and just ask.
"No one," she said, still not bothering to look at me.
Writing him back lightning fast.
And yeah, I knew it was him.
It had to be.
"But there 'is' a guy?"
"No," she shook her head, still ignoring me.
"Liar," I mumbled.
"There's no guy."
"Then who's that on the phone?"
"No one!"
"Oh really?"
With that, I reached out, snatching it from her hands.
 
And Summer?
She almost killed me.
 
"Oh, my God, Von!" she yelled. "Don't be an a.sshole!'
She grabbed it.
Then punched me in the arm.
"Ow!" I laughed.
"You can be such a jerk sometimes, you know that?"
"Because I want to know who you're dating?"
Jesus.
What was with all the god.damn secrecy?
"We're not...dating," she sighed. "And you...you don't know him. So it doesn't matter."
"It obviously does matter," I insisted. "Or else you wouldn't feel the need to hide and lie -"
"Von..."
"Obviously, you're embarrassed by him -"
"Trust me, I'm not."
"Is he famous?"
"What?"
"Married?"
"No!"
"So, who is he?"
"Stop asking me that."
"You can't even give me a first name?"
"Just drop this, okay?"
Leaning back in my chair, I sighed.
She really wasn't going to tell me.
 
F.uck her crazy stubbornness.
 
"Alright, alright," I said finally. "Just tell me it's not that guy."
"What guy?"
"You know, the guy. The prom king?”
"Oh, Aidan?" her face scrunched up. It was cute. "God, no."
"Good," I tossed out - turning back to my computer. "Because I can't stand that a.sshole.
"Von," she softened a bit. "Don't call him an a.sshole."
"That's what you call him."
"Yeah, well, I've earned that right."
"I don't like the guy, Summer."
"You don't know him."
"I know enough."
 
I knew that she'd kept their prom picture on the fridge, and I used to catch her staring at more times than I could count.
And I know that she was crying the night before that premiere.
I forced myself to give her space and pretend I hadn't heard her.
But I hated that I had to.
I hated that he did that.
"Seriously,” I said, glancing over at her again.” I haven't wanted to punch a complete stranger this badly since Justin Beiber.”
She shook her head, but she laughed.
Summer laughed a lot easier these days.
There was no more crying in the middle of the night.
(When she was actually home, that is.)
And that prom picture?
It had disappeared.
“You don’t have to worry about him,” she tossed out, unfazed. “He lives three thousand miles...well...it doesn't matter. I promise you’ll never have to meet him.”
“Good.”
“Fine.”
“So, when do I get to meet the new guy?”
“Um, you don’t.”
 

Summer;
 
I didn’t like lying to Von.
Believe me, I didn’t.
But, I had been doing it for so long that I was almost numb to it.
I convinced myself that I was doing it for the best.
That he didn’t need to know.
That it was just confuse things and make things awkward at work and that Von didn’t need that.
This job was important to him to.
So, really, I was protecting him.
And if you lied to protect someone that still made you a good friend, right?
 
“You know,” I began, eager to get the attention away from me. “Instead of concentrating on my love life, maybe we should concentrate on yours.”
“I don’t have a love life,” Von mumbled.
“Exactly.”
“Just because you’re getting laid regularly –“
“Don’t be jealous, by the way,” I smirked.
“ – doesn’t mean that you get to give me relationship advice."
"I should find you someone."
"Right," Von tossed out. "Because you're such an awesome matchmaker."
"I am."
Sure, I read the whole Jess and Ty situation wrong.
But, I had to admit, that kind of worked out for the best.
 
"Listen, Summer, just -"
"What about Hannah?"
"What about her?"
"She's crazy about you, you know?"
He was quiet for a while.
It was like he was thinking back on the past year.
Looking for clues.
"No..."
"Yeah."
"I don't think -"
"Von," I interrupted. "She likes you. Why is that so hard to believe?"
 
He didn't answer for a while.
And I watched him awkwardly stare at his computer screen.
"It doesn't matter," he said at last. "She's just a kid."
"She's seventeen."
"Like I said. Just a kid."
"That's, what, only four years younger than you?"
"Uh, yeah," he frowned. "She's still in high school, Summer. And in the fall, I'll be a senior in college."
"So?"
"So, I don't have time to deal with the age difference."
"It's not...age is...it doesn't have to be a problem," I said quietly. "Unless you make it a problem."
"Well, it's a problem," Von said firmly. "She's too young."
"She is not."
"Okay, she's too young for me."
"God," I groaned, wanting to pull my hair out. "I know what this is about. You're not over Emma, are you?"
"This has nothing to do with Emma, I -"
"Don't you like Hannah?"
"Sure," Von shrugged. "I mean, she's cool. But I don't know -"
"What?"
"I just don't have time..."
"You don't have time to date a cute girl?"
"Summer..."
"Maybe you should think about it," I suggested.
"Maybe."
"Because she really is cute."
"I know."
"And she comes to the city to see you every time she can."
"I know."
"And she's coming to the 'Have a Heart' gala," I went on.
"I know!"
"Maybe you two can go together," I smiled. "Adele's supposed to be singing."
But Von just rolled his eyes.
 
In about an hour, I needed to be in class.
So I gathered my things and promised Von that I'd see him later.
Maybe I'd bring him dinner, I thought, and talk more about Hannah.
I was sure that I could wear him down.
Just as I was rushing out of the building to catch a cab, Ty's limo was pulling up to the curb.
And I stopped in my tracks, surprised.
And I waited for him.
Because honestly, I couldn't help myself.
 
"Ms. Roberts," he said, doing his best to sound casual.
"Mr. Phillips," I said, struggling not to smile.
"Always amazing to see you."
"Likewise."
"Class?"
"Mm hm."
"A kiss before you go?"
I looked around, nervously.
No one was looking at us.
But this was the city.
Everyone was in a rush to get to where they were going.
Still, this was kind of risky.
So, I hesitated.
And while I did, Ty moved closer.
 
"We can make it quick," he teased.
And I tried to.
But, leaning in, my lips lingered against his.
"I have to go," I whispered, wanting nothing more than to kiss him again.
But we were already breaking a rule.
We weren't supposed to be alone together during office hours.
That way everything would seem normal.
And no one would suspect anything.
 
And we wouldn't be tempted to jump each other.
 
"Here," Ty walked back to the limo and opened the back door. "Take my car."
"Oh, no," I shook my head. "It's fine."
"I insist."
"I can take a cab, Ty."
"But you won't need to if you take the limo."
"Alright," I laughed, giving in. "Thank you."
I moved inside and was about to tell him that I'd see him later on.
But he got in beside me.
Slamming the door and moving close.
"What are you doing?"
"Escorting you to class," he said lightly.
As if this was something he'd done a hundred times before.
"Um, no," I said pulling my class notes from my bag. "I have to study."
"I thought you spent the entire weekend studying," Ty noted, his thigh now touching mine, his fingers brushing my hair aside. "Which is why I couldn't see you."
"I...did..." I struggled to explain, feeling his lips against my neck. "But I'm not done."
And I wanted an 'A'.
 
"Well, good," Ty took the notes from my hands. "I can help."
"Ty..."
"What's this? International business?"
"Mmm hm."
He glanced at me, smiling. "You really 'are' going to take my job, aren't you?"
"Eventually," I laughed, kissing him on the cheek. "But don't worry. I'll keep you around to be my personal assistant."
"I appreciate that."
"So, are you going to quiz me now?" I wondered.
The limo had already started moving.
So, it was too late to kick him out.
"Alright," he looked down at the papers. "Name three environmental differences that affect product design."
I closed my eyes, trying to remember.
And Ty's lips, once again, went to my neck.
"Geography...climate...and...um, Ty...um...population density."
"Very good."
"This would be a lot easier if you weren't trying to distract me."
"Is that what you think I'm doing?" he said, innocently.
"Isn't it?"
I made of face.
And instead of quizzing me, Ty kissed me instead.
"I missed you," he said, his lips still brushing against mine.
"I missed you, too," I confessed.
I had to admit, it was hard sleeping without him next to me now.
And the morning filled with hot text messages just wasn't enough.
 
"I actually wanted to talk to you about something," he said, placing my notes aside.
"Yeah? What about?"
"The 'Have a Heart' gala," Ty explained. "I think we should go together."
"But we are," I laughed a bit. "I mean, I thought the whole office was going."
"They are," Ty nodded and smiled. "But I meant us. You and me. I want you to be my date."
"Oh," I said simply, feeling like all the wind had been knocked out of me.
 
"I know that you haven't wanted to go public with our relationship," Ty went on. "But I want to be there with you. I don't want to hide things anymore."
"But, um. well, I just thought that we were, ah, just a little...I mean, I thought that we were keeping things...casual," I stammered. "You know? Simple."
"We've spent almost every night together for the last six months, Summer," Ty noted. "Does that sound casual to you?"
"No, I know," I shook my head, trying to clear my thoughts. "But...I...I just don't think that the gala is the...the right time and place."
"Well, then Summer," Ty sat back, crossing his arms, his eyes narrowing. "When is the right time?"
"Ty..."
"Because it wasn't during Thanksgiving or Christmas or New Year's when you rushed off to Monaco without me."
"I hated being away from you, you know that," I frowned. "And screw you for throwing that in my face now."
"I just want to know what we're doing," Ty said, taking a long sigh. "I mean, at this point, I think I deserve to know."
"I love...." YOU - I almost said. But I didn't want to be the first one to say it. Especially since I told myself I'd never make the mistake of saying those three stupid words ever again. "Ty, I love being with you. We're very much together. Why does it have to be so serious?"
"Because we're six months in and you won't even hold my hand in public."
 
I opened my mouth to argue.
To say that he was wrong but I couldn't.
Closing my eyes, I leaned back against my seat.
"God," I sighed, shakily, feeling dangerously close to tears. "I don't know what you want me to say."
"I guess there's nothing to say," Ty mumbled, moving away from me.
"Ty..."
"I just...I love...being with you," he told me, gazing out of the window instead of looking at me. "I want to be with you but I - something needs to change and -"
"I'm just not ready, Ty," I interrupted. "I want to but I can't."
"Well, I can't either."
"What the hell is that supposed to mean?" I glanced at him with worried eyes.
Waiting for an answer.
But he didn't give me one.
And I panicked.
 
"So, what? We're over? You're done with me now?"
"Jesus, Summer," he practically yelled. "Don't make it sound like I was using you. Not when you're the one who's ashamed of me."
"That's bulls.hit!"
"Is it?" he demanded, shooting me a questioning look.
"Yes! And you know it."
Ty looked away again.
The limo was quiet now.
And my panic continued, threatening to stop my heart.
I tried to think of something to say to change things but everything I thought of was just..stupid.
So I stayed quiet all the way to Verona.
Only daring to say something once the limo finally stopped.
 
"So...I'll...meet you at your place tonight?" I asked, hating how small my voice sounded.
"I have to work late so..."
And though it sounded harsh, he actually looked sorry about it.
"God," I scoffed, laughing but wanting to cry instead. "You really don't want to see me."
"I always want to see you," he insisted. "But *tonight -"
"You have to work," I rolled my eyes and gathered my things. "Right."
"Summer..."
"A kiss before I go?"
He was mad at me, yes.
Disappointed.
But he didn't hesitate.
And that had to count for something.
He leaned in and pressed in his lips to mine.
His fingers brushed my face, deepening it.
And, God, I wanted to stay there forever.
 
But Ty pulled away.
"Go and ace your test, gorgeous," he said, his forehead against mine.
And though he tried to smile he didn't look happy at all.
 
I left the limo and walked to class.
And worried.
Damn it, Ty, I thought. If I failed this exam, it was going to be all your fault.
 

*Summer*
Von.

@laurcams94 Happy Birthday, Lauren aka the Chrissy to my Summer!
 
You are such a sweetheart! I can't even begin to tell you how much your kind words (and your lovely letters :-D ) have meant to me. I am so thankful for MMN. Because of this group I've gotten a chance to get to know you and I'm just so so grateful for that.
 
I hope that this year is amazing for you. May good things happen and may you be happy overall.
 
Much love to you, girl!
*Lala*

@mclovinn My darling Luli,
I obviously mentioned Ash and I hope that you don't mind where I went with this. This involves your character, so I don't want it to change the plans you have for her. There's no pressure in the outcome, but Aidan's clearly smitten ;-) So, yeah, I had no choice...
____
 
2/4/13
12:33 pm
Cafe Verona
 

Aidan;
 
Constantly thinking about Ash was becoming a problem.
A really...really...serious problem.
Sitting in Cafe Verona, laptop open, various books and notes spread round my table, I probably looked like one of those d.ouchebags at Starbucks. You know, the ones that are working on their blog or trying to write some witty bulls.hit to submit to the New Yorker?
But honestly I was just trying to study.
The condo was too quiet, and as crazy as it sounds, the silence was making it hard for me to focus. While I was struggling to make sense of Arthur Miller, all the words were running together of the page.
And they were all spelling out her name.
 
What the hell was wrong with me?
I didn't understand this.
I couldn't figure it out.
And even though I desperately - DESPERATELY - wanted to,
I couldn't seem to stop it.
And I was trying.
I swear to God.
I really, really was.
 
But...lately...
 
In class, I actually 'wanted' Ash to raise her hand,
just so I could hear her voice.
And when I wasn't around her,
I was constantly wondering what she was doing.
A small part of me hoped that she was, I don't know, thinking about me too.
And I couldn't even close my eyes at night without seeing her face.
Her stupid, dumb, stupid...
No...
Her really f.ucking adorable face.
 
Yeah.
I was dealing with some hardcore crush s.hit.
 
I ran my hands over my face, and then through my hair.
Exhausted.
God.
You know what?
This was all Stella's fault.
F.ucking Stella Adler.
I blamed her.
If it wasn't for Stella, we would've never had to do that scene.
And if we never had to do that scene, then Ash and I never would've kissed.
And if Ash and I never would've kissed, I could've gone the rest of my life not knowing how awesome it'd be and then I wouldn't constantly be wanting to do it again and again.
And again.
And I wouldn't have to constantly remind myself that we never, ever could.
 
Okay.
Okay.
Okay.
I could get over this.
 
All this was
was probably just protons reacting to neutrons.
Or brain signals randomly misfiring or some s.hit.
I don't know.
Maybe it had been too long since I had a decent kiss.
Or maybe I was...lonely... lonelier than I wanted to admit.
It had to be something.
Because it couldn't be that...I couldn't actually...no, it wasn't possible that I...
 
F.uck.
 
I liked Ashley Hartman.
 
I think I actually really liked her.
Like, for real.
And this?
This was a f.ucking disaster.
 
FUUUUUCK.
 
"God," I groaned to myself, raking my hands over my face. "Kill me."
I mean, seriously.
This made no sense.
Me and Ash?
We didn't make sense.
I mean, we kissed.
Sure.
Whatever.
And she liked it, I knew that.
But it didn't me she liked 'me'.
This was the same girl that had punched me.
And kicked me.
And she'd called me an a.sshole to my face.
So liking her was...really...inconvenient.
No.
Actually.
It was stupid.
It was beyond stupid.
So someone please kill me.
Now.
 
Taking a deep breath, I reached out for my lukewarm coffee.
And I tried to focus 'A View From the Bridge'.
Stella wanted me to read for Eddie tomorrow during class, and I wasn't exactly looking forward to that.
For one, Eddie was way too obsessed with his niece, Catherine.
(Which I could definitely relate to these days. I mean, not the niece part. But, yeah, I was kind of obsessed, I guess...pathetic...I know...)
And who was reading for Catherine?
Yeah.
But at least this was just an exercise for class.
And there would be no kissing.
Although, I wasn't entirely sure if that was good or bad.
 
Moving on, I reached for my Italian notes.
Maybe reading something in another language would make all the thoughts of her stop.
Because they had to stop.
They HAD to.
Now.
Because this was pointless.
And I couldn't take it anymore.
 
//La ragazza mi faceva impazzire.//
 
Taking a deep breath, I stretched in my seat.
Glancing around at the tables full of kids, I was reminded of how much time I'd been spending by myself since I'd been back.
Sure, I hung out with Matt and Nate and Rush sometimes.
But it felt like, for the most part, all I did was study.
I hadn't had much fun.
I needed a hobby.
I needed a party.
I needed a f.ucking distraction.
 
Closing my laptop, I thought about heading back to my room before class.
Ash seemed to love this place and I didn't need to run into her.
In fact, I needed to stay away from her as much as possible.
That was the only way that I could...deal with...all this.
 
But before I could move, someone did walk in.
She was lost in her thoughts, oblivious of the guys that stopped in their tracks to stare at her. And the freshman girls whispering.
It was easy to slow down here, but she rushed, like she was still in the city.
She fidgeted waiting in line.
She grabbed her coffee without waiting for her change.
But when she turned, we locked eyes for the first time in almost a year.
I froze.
She dropped her cup.
I literally wanted to run.
 
But it was Summer, so I never could.
 
She stepped around the two guys who rushed to her side with a mop and paper towels.
Walking over to me, she barely blinked, like in a trance.
And she plopped down in the chair across from me.
Shocked.
Finally, we were face-to-face.
And even though I knew this day was coming, it was already way more intense than I imagined.
 
"Aidan," she breathed, her eyes wide. "I can't...why...
"Hey, Summ."
"What the hell are you doing here?" she demanded.
Just like I knew she would.
"I, ah, go here now," I said lamely.
"You're back."
"Yeah," I nodded.
But she shook her head. "You can't be."
" I -"
"You cannot be here, Aidan."
"Summ -"
"I don't want you here!" she exclaimed.
Her face was flushed.
And her eyes were glassy.
And I wanted to disappear.
 
"I know," I mumbled, sighing, pressing my back against my chair.
"Then why?" she wanted to know. "Hm? Are you here to hurt me?"
"No," I said firmly. "God, Summ. No."
I mean, I know I'd f.ucked things up before.
But did she really think I was that heartless?
"You move back and don't think to tell me?" she went on.
"When did you start taking my calls again, Summer?" I asked her, frustrated. "I mean, I called you for months after...everything. And you never picked up. Not once."
"You could have found a way to...to let me know that -"
 
"I know."
I could've.
I should've.
But I didn't.
I guess I just wanted more time.
 
"Does Chris know?"
"Yeah," I nodded.
"Great."
"Don't be mad at her."
"She didn't tell me either."
"I asked her not to," I confessed. "I wanted to tell you myself."
"But you didn't."
"Summ, you're never on campus. No one ever sees you -"
"That's not true."
"You stay in the city with your boyfriend -"
"My boyfriend?"
"That guy you're living with?"
I think his name was Van.
Or Vlad.
Whatever.
It didn't matter.
"He's none of your business."
"And all you do is work," I went on, ignoring her. "I wanted to tell you, but I didn't have a chance."
 
"God," she scoffed, looking away. "Leave it to you to still blame my job. That is such bulls.hit, Aidan."
"It's the truth."
"If you wanted to tell me, you would've. So stop with the f.ucking excuses, okay?"
I stared at her for a few seconds.
She sounded so angry.
God.
How could I keep f.ucking things up with her?
I seemed to hurt her without trying to.
 
"You know what?" she asked shakily. "I'm happy now. I'm finally over you and I'm good. And now -"
"I didn't come back to ruin your life, Summ," I said quietly, trying to ignore the kids who had taken a sudden interest in our conversation. "I came back for me. Things were hard out there. I messed everything up and I -"
"What?" she laughed a bit. Not that she looked at all happy. "You want me to feel sorry for you?"
"I'm just trying to tell you what happened," I struggled not to yell.
Things were great for a while, I'll admit.
But then I got the movie.
And everything was happening so fast.
And then that thing with Loni happened.
It was a big mistake.
And that thing with Stacie was just a distraction.
I regretted them both.
"I know what happened," she scoffed. "You cheated on me and then we broke up. And I was...broken. But I'm not anymore."
"Summ..."
"But that doesn't mean I want to see you."
 
I sighed, nodding.
Understanding.
Not that her words didn't feel like a slap in the face.
But I had been back for weeks and this was the first time we'd crossed paths.
I didn't see her at my premiere.
And I didn't see her in Monaco.
Maybe we could go the rest of our lives avoiding each other.
If that's what she wanted.
"I didn't mean to hurt you," I said, sure that I sounded like a broken record. "But I can't apologize anymore, Summer. I mean, I've tried and you just...Just tell me what to do to make things right with us."
She shook her head.
Shaking away my words.
"There's nothing," she said, looking and sounding stronger than ever. "We're nothing. Let's just not alk anymore, alright?"
 
I watched her gather her bag.
Mumbling about how tired she was of this.
Of me.
She stood to leave, ready to storm off.
But, gently, I reached out and grabbed her wrist before she could get too far.
"You can go on hating me forever, Summ," I told her.
I mean, it was hard to imagine someone you'd loved so much not even wanting to look at you now.
"Just..."
"Remember," I tried. "Monroe? They voted us, what, most likely to get married one day? With all that, we can't be like this now."
Again, she laughed bitterly.
Pulling away.
"We were all a bunch of stupid high school kids, Aidan. What did we know?"
 
Yeah.
What did we know?
That wasn't happening.
Summ and I were beyond over.
And not only was she walking out of the Cafe,
she was walking out of my life.
Or at least that's how it felt.
 
//Queste ragazze mi fanno impazzire.//
 

And s.hit.
Maybe I should give up on them altogether.
 

//AIDAN//

With this story, I feel like I'm cheating.
I skipped ahead so many months, not writing for some pretty significant events that I really wanted to write about (like NYE in Monaco ~ forgive me, Alex! @vampire-weakend)
 
But, maybe I'll backtrack? Or maybe just make mention of them in upcoming stories? I don't know.
But I'm excited! Aidan's back in NYC. I'm finally writing for 2013. And this is a collab that I planned with the amazing Luli. So, really, I couldn't wait another minute.
 
@mclovinn Lilu, my dear, I really hope that you like this. I tried my best to make sure to stay true to Ash. And I think I did (fingers crossed!) :-D It didn't go EXACTLY the way I initially planned. As you'll see, Aidan was WAY more into things than I thought he'd be lol! So...yeah...let me know what you think!
 
It was super-long. So I hope you don't mind reading there -----> http://pastebin.com/YyEeYWjX
 
But commenting here.
 
Love you lots and if you bother to read my story I love you even more.
 
*Lala*